I am posting the link to Clay Crosse's story again because I will reference it in this post - Click here
Clay had difficulty with pornography because he was exposed to it in the fourth grade. Although it may be shocking to some, I do not believe this is uncommon in today's culture. Perhaps children even younger than this are being exposed regularly.
Cable television and the Internet are ways in which children can easily access porn these days.
I believe that many men who have difficulties with porn are exposed to it as grade-schoolers or during their early teens.
One of the reasons I believe pornography is rampant today is that emerging teens are not prepared for what is going to happen in their bodies and minds as they begin to enter adulthood. They are not taught what will happen when their testosterone levels begin to increase rapidly and how to deal with it.
Here is link that encapsulates what happens when a boy begins to enter puberty - Click here
This is a difficult time in a child's life. And research seems to be telling us that boys and girls are beginning to enter puberty at younger ages.
Some churches and youth groups are beginning to take on the task of helping pre-teens deal with puberty, and are doing a great service to their youth. But parents need to be the most active in helping their children deal with the temptations they will face as they develop.
One thing is certain... if an individual doesn't understand the enemy they are facing... they will never win the battle.
As always, please feel free to comment below.
Mark Joneschiet Music
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
The Raging Beast Within (Part 3)
So, how do you deal with a porn addiction?
Many men have considered Job's confession in Job 31:1 (NIV) - "I have made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl," and said to themselves, "Yeah, right."
Our media inundates us continually with images of barely clad stars and starlets. Summer wear and fashion continue to get more and more revealing. It prompts men to ask the question presented in Psalm 119:9, "How can a young man keep his way pure?" (NIV).
The answer from the same verse is, "By living according to your (God's) word."
This is a good answer, but I'm afraid it needs to be defined in much greater detail for many men, especially these days.
Men, particularly Christian men, who view porn tend to feel isolated and fearful. They feel stigmatized and rejected, even though their activity may be known only to them.
As embarrassing and shameful as they may feel, their secret needs to be brought into the open, not publicly, but in a safe environment, with trusted men who will not betray their confidence.
Along with this, they need to agree to be brutally honest about their activities on the web and other avenues through which they view inappropriate material.
They also need loads and loads of prayer from their confidantes, and prayer for themselves as well.
This is a very tough addiction... every bit as hard as alcohol and drugs in many cases. But it can be won. Consider the testimony of this brave Christian singer, Clay Cross - Click here
What are your thoughts on how Clay became trapped in this delimna... and how he got free?
Please feel free to comment below.
Many men have considered Job's confession in Job 31:1 (NIV) - "I have made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl," and said to themselves, "Yeah, right."
Our media inundates us continually with images of barely clad stars and starlets. Summer wear and fashion continue to get more and more revealing. It prompts men to ask the question presented in Psalm 119:9, "How can a young man keep his way pure?" (NIV).
The answer from the same verse is, "By living according to your (God's) word."
This is a good answer, but I'm afraid it needs to be defined in much greater detail for many men, especially these days.
Men, particularly Christian men, who view porn tend to feel isolated and fearful. They feel stigmatized and rejected, even though their activity may be known only to them.
As embarrassing and shameful as they may feel, their secret needs to be brought into the open, not publicly, but in a safe environment, with trusted men who will not betray their confidence.
Along with this, they need to agree to be brutally honest about their activities on the web and other avenues through which they view inappropriate material.
They also need loads and loads of prayer from their confidantes, and prayer for themselves as well.
This is a very tough addiction... every bit as hard as alcohol and drugs in many cases. But it can be won. Consider the testimony of this brave Christian singer, Clay Cross - Click here
What are your thoughts on how Clay became trapped in this delimna... and how he got free?
Please feel free to comment below.
Monday, May 30, 2011
The Raging Beast Within (Part 2)
I would like to say that pornography isn't a problem in the Church. However, that evidently is not the case.
In one of my pastorates, a parishioner lent me his truck while my car was being worked on. I noticed a hesitancy on his part as I drove off. Something inside told me there was pornography under the seat of the vehicle. I pulled over, reached under the seat - and sure enough... there was a porn magazine lying there.
I scheduled a meeting with the man in my office and we had a long, prayerful talk about the situation.
It appears that viewing pornography is quite pronounced among Christians according to this 2008 Christianity Today article - Click here.
In one of my pastorates, a parishioner lent me his truck while my car was being worked on. I noticed a hesitancy on his part as I drove off. Something inside told me there was pornography under the seat of the vehicle. I pulled over, reached under the seat - and sure enough... there was a porn magazine lying there.
I scheduled a meeting with the man in my office and we had a long, prayerful talk about the situation.
It appears that viewing pornography is quite pronounced among Christians according to this 2008 Christianity Today article - Click here.
What exactly is wrong with viewing porn?
The most glaring fault is that it gives approval to the lewdness and fornication that is being performed by the models, actors and actresses. A person viewing pornography is giving their ascent to what is being carried out before the cameras. It says, "I agree with what is going on in this photo or video."
Second, it lends support to an industry that promotes illicit behavior. People at the top of the this industry are raking in massive amounts of money promoting it and presenting it to the masses.
Third, it creates an unrealistic ideal in one's mind as to how a man's or a woman's body should look - and how it should perform.
Fourth, it replaces a man's natural interest in his wife's physical appearance. Men who view pornography regularly tend to lose interest in their wife's appearance. When they stop viewing it, they become interested again.
Fifth, it generates lust that is not acted out in a loving and appropriate way with one's spouse. The Bible is very clear... sex outside of marriage is either adultery or fornication - even if it is only in the mind.
In the case of my parishioner, he repented and established regular accountability with me in his struggles with porn. Interestingly, his wife, who was quite overweight, lost several pounds and became very trim and attractive.
How do you struggle in this area? What types of safeguards and accountability have you put up in your life in order to keep yourself unstained by pornography? Can you add anything to what is wrong with pornography?
As always, please feel free to comment below.
The most glaring fault is that it gives approval to the lewdness and fornication that is being performed by the models, actors and actresses. A person viewing pornography is giving their ascent to what is being carried out before the cameras. It says, "I agree with what is going on in this photo or video."
Second, it lends support to an industry that promotes illicit behavior. People at the top of the this industry are raking in massive amounts of money promoting it and presenting it to the masses.
Third, it creates an unrealistic ideal in one's mind as to how a man's or a woman's body should look - and how it should perform.
Fourth, it replaces a man's natural interest in his wife's physical appearance. Men who view pornography regularly tend to lose interest in their wife's appearance. When they stop viewing it, they become interested again.
Fifth, it generates lust that is not acted out in a loving and appropriate way with one's spouse. The Bible is very clear... sex outside of marriage is either adultery or fornication - even if it is only in the mind.
In the case of my parishioner, he repented and established regular accountability with me in his struggles with porn. Interestingly, his wife, who was quite overweight, lost several pounds and became very trim and attractive.
How do you struggle in this area? What types of safeguards and accountability have you put up in your life in order to keep yourself unstained by pornography? Can you add anything to what is wrong with pornography?
As always, please feel free to comment below.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
The Raging Beast Within (Part 1)
Guys, this is where we start getting down to some of the nitty-gritty issues of being a man.
I mentioned at the beginning of this blog that there is a book that was popular a few years back that talked about men's issues. I also mentioned that it didn't go deep enough for me. This is where we start going deeper.
I found out a short time back that a man I know lost his wife. It was over online porn. He was addicted to it.
Since the advent of the Internet, this scenario is being played out in greater and greater abundance. It is a problem that is not going away.
This is not being written to condemn any man for getting hooked on this because it can be a powerful addiction. The reason it can be so powerful is because of the way men are wired.
Men are wired in such a way that seeing something seductive or sensual can produce the hormone, testosterone, in their systems. Women are not wired this way and don't understand what a man experiences when testosterone starts surging through their veins and arteries.
Women produce testosterone, but not nearly as much as men. Men produce up to TEN TIMES the amount of testosterone that a woman produces.
God gave this to men in order to keep the race going. Seeing and reacting to beauty and, yes, even sensuality, is what keeps the human race alive and well on planet earth.
Here is the rub... it was intended to create and keep marriages alive and together. But it was never intended for men to use wantonly. It is a way to shake men out of their business-as-usual mode and go, "Wowser!" when they spot a potential mate. It opens the door for them to pursue and attempt to further that relationship.
However, it was never intended for men to revel in wanton lust. Once again, testosterone will kick in when viewing something men deem to be sensual. And if a man is not wary, they will find themselves addicted to a hormone that was originally intended to bring a couple together and continue to stoke that fire throughout their lives.
It was through the original fall of man that this got corrupted - that men would allow themselves to search for and seek out sensuality via inappropriate means.
Jesus' words give us a clear view on why a man should seek to control himself in this area...
"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28 - NIV).
Being visually attracted to a woman is one thing. Reveling in it is another. I heard a wise man once say, "It's not wrong to have your buttons pushed. It's what you do with the signal that matters."
Let's get honest here, guys. In what way or ways do you struggle with visual lust? Are you married or unmarried? How do you deal with the problem of keeping yourself free from being corrupted by visual lust?
As always, I invite your comments below.
I mentioned at the beginning of this blog that there is a book that was popular a few years back that talked about men's issues. I also mentioned that it didn't go deep enough for me. This is where we start going deeper.
I found out a short time back that a man I know lost his wife. It was over online porn. He was addicted to it.
Since the advent of the Internet, this scenario is being played out in greater and greater abundance. It is a problem that is not going away.
This is not being written to condemn any man for getting hooked on this because it can be a powerful addiction. The reason it can be so powerful is because of the way men are wired.
Men are wired in such a way that seeing something seductive or sensual can produce the hormone, testosterone, in their systems. Women are not wired this way and don't understand what a man experiences when testosterone starts surging through their veins and arteries.
Women produce testosterone, but not nearly as much as men. Men produce up to TEN TIMES the amount of testosterone that a woman produces.
God gave this to men in order to keep the race going. Seeing and reacting to beauty and, yes, even sensuality, is what keeps the human race alive and well on planet earth.
Here is the rub... it was intended to create and keep marriages alive and together. But it was never intended for men to use wantonly. It is a way to shake men out of their business-as-usual mode and go, "Wowser!" when they spot a potential mate. It opens the door for them to pursue and attempt to further that relationship.
However, it was never intended for men to revel in wanton lust. Once again, testosterone will kick in when viewing something men deem to be sensual. And if a man is not wary, they will find themselves addicted to a hormone that was originally intended to bring a couple together and continue to stoke that fire throughout their lives.
It was through the original fall of man that this got corrupted - that men would allow themselves to search for and seek out sensuality via inappropriate means.
Jesus' words give us a clear view on why a man should seek to control himself in this area...
"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28 - NIV).
Being visually attracted to a woman is one thing. Reveling in it is another. I heard a wise man once say, "It's not wrong to have your buttons pushed. It's what you do with the signal that matters."
Let's get honest here, guys. In what way or ways do you struggle with visual lust? Are you married or unmarried? How do you deal with the problem of keeping yourself free from being corrupted by visual lust?
As always, I invite your comments below.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Is Pleasure Wrong? (Part 3)
In my earlier post, I talked about how God is against fleshly or carnal pleasure, meaning that pleasure that is focused entirely on the self is wrong. But is all pleasure condemned by God?
First of all, we have to remind ourselves that God invented pleasure. He is the one who created us in a way so that we could experience enjoyments in life. The primary pleasure we should be focused on is pleasure in our relationship with our Creator.
The Westminster Catechism asks this... "What is the chief end of man?" The answer? "Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever." In other words, we are to have pleasure in our relationship with God.
This is one of the first things that went out of kilter when Adam sinned. Our focus came off of God and onto ourselves. We are now self-focused, rather than GOD-focused.
Second, sin corrupted us so that we actually became enamoured with pleasing ourselves. Our motivations and passions tend to be toward what makes us happy for the moment.
Third, we tend to try to find ways to modify pleasure. What I mean is that, we are often only happy with a certain pleasure for a period of time, therefore, we try to find ways to enhance or modify it. We find ways to cause it grow toward the ultimate experience, but somehow, we are never quite able to achieve it.
In all of this, we are never able to achieve lasting pleasure.
So, the question remains, 'Is pleasure wrong'?
The thing we need to keep in focus is that God created our ability to enjoy pleasure. What we need to understand is that we need to have a relationship with God in order to know what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior.
Some behaviors are obviously wrong as displayed in this passage...
"The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God" (Gal. 5:19-21).
Others are not so clear... "But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean" (Romans 14:14 - NIV).
Once again, in order to know and enjoy the pleasures that God has reserved for us with a clear conscience, we need to establish and enjoy a close relationship with Him every day, which is pleasure in itself.
First of all, we have to remind ourselves that God invented pleasure. He is the one who created us in a way so that we could experience enjoyments in life. The primary pleasure we should be focused on is pleasure in our relationship with our Creator.
The Westminster Catechism asks this... "What is the chief end of man?" The answer? "Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever." In other words, we are to have pleasure in our relationship with God.
This is one of the first things that went out of kilter when Adam sinned. Our focus came off of God and onto ourselves. We are now self-focused, rather than GOD-focused.
Second, sin corrupted us so that we actually became enamoured with pleasing ourselves. Our motivations and passions tend to be toward what makes us happy for the moment.
Third, we tend to try to find ways to modify pleasure. What I mean is that, we are often only happy with a certain pleasure for a period of time, therefore, we try to find ways to enhance or modify it. We find ways to cause it grow toward the ultimate experience, but somehow, we are never quite able to achieve it.
In all of this, we are never able to achieve lasting pleasure.
So, the question remains, 'Is pleasure wrong'?
The thing we need to keep in focus is that God created our ability to enjoy pleasure. What we need to understand is that we need to have a relationship with God in order to know what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior.
Some behaviors are obviously wrong as displayed in this passage...
"The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God" (Gal. 5:19-21).
Others are not so clear... "But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean" (Romans 14:14 - NIV).
Once again, in order to know and enjoy the pleasures that God has reserved for us with a clear conscience, we need to establish and enjoy a close relationship with Him every day, which is pleasure in itself.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Is Pleasure Wrong? (Part 2)
One of the words the Bible uses for the word, pleasure, is carnality. The word 'carnality' is translated from a word in the original New Testament language (Greek), which is, sarx. The word is literally translated as, the flesh.
An example of how God views the flesh is found in this passage...
"Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God" (Romans 8:1 - 7 - NIV).
This passage is not referring to our physical flesh. That would be the word, soma, or, body.
Sarx has more to do with unbridled desire and wanton passion. The 1960's had a term that described sarx very well... "If it feels good, do it."
The hard part about understanding this is, not all things that can fall under the heading of carnality are intrinsically wrong. For instance, sex inside of marriage is right, but outside of marriage, it's wrong. Eating is necessary. Overeating is not only wrong, but harmful to the body.
There are several problems with giving into the carnal or fleshly nature...
First, the more you feed it, the greedier it gets. In other words, feeding the fleshly nature with what it wants only tends to make it want more. So, if you think, "Well, I'll just appease it this time and then it'll go away," you are badly mistaken. Appeasing it only makes it want more.
Second, there is something called the law of diminishing returns. Once you start feeding a carnal passion or desire, it not only wants more, it starts saying, "This is not enough. I am bored with what you are feeding me. I want something with more taste... something with more feeling... something far more provocative!" It starts getting bored with the same old thing. It wants to go deeper into the realm of experience.
Third, it tends to divert attention away from worthwhile pursuits.
Fourth, it often damages relationships and causes hurt and pain due to the focus it gives to the self. Carnality is all about me, me me and not about others.
Finally, in the end, it leaves you unsatisfied and strips you of your real feeling. Individuals often go deeper into carnal delights, trying to enjoy the original rush of pleasure that they first experienced, only to find that it is no longer achievable.
What are some ways in which you have experienced this in your own life? Have there been any 'deadening' of passions due to pleasure seeking? Have you ever experienced a broken or hurt relationship due to focusing on carnality? What type of pleasures do you feel are appropriate as a Christian?
As always, please feel free to leave a comment.
An example of how God views the flesh is found in this passage...
"Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God" (Romans 8:1 - 7 - NIV).
This passage is not referring to our physical flesh. That would be the word, soma, or, body.
Sarx has more to do with unbridled desire and wanton passion. The 1960's had a term that described sarx very well... "If it feels good, do it."
The hard part about understanding this is, not all things that can fall under the heading of carnality are intrinsically wrong. For instance, sex inside of marriage is right, but outside of marriage, it's wrong. Eating is necessary. Overeating is not only wrong, but harmful to the body.
There are several problems with giving into the carnal or fleshly nature...
First, the more you feed it, the greedier it gets. In other words, feeding the fleshly nature with what it wants only tends to make it want more. So, if you think, "Well, I'll just appease it this time and then it'll go away," you are badly mistaken. Appeasing it only makes it want more.
Second, there is something called the law of diminishing returns. Once you start feeding a carnal passion or desire, it not only wants more, it starts saying, "This is not enough. I am bored with what you are feeding me. I want something with more taste... something with more feeling... something far more provocative!" It starts getting bored with the same old thing. It wants to go deeper into the realm of experience.
Third, it tends to divert attention away from worthwhile pursuits.
Fourth, it often damages relationships and causes hurt and pain due to the focus it gives to the self. Carnality is all about me, me me and not about others.
Finally, in the end, it leaves you unsatisfied and strips you of your real feeling. Individuals often go deeper into carnal delights, trying to enjoy the original rush of pleasure that they first experienced, only to find that it is no longer achievable.
What are some ways in which you have experienced this in your own life? Have there been any 'deadening' of passions due to pleasure seeking? Have you ever experienced a broken or hurt relationship due to focusing on carnality? What type of pleasures do you feel are appropriate as a Christian?
As always, please feel free to leave a comment.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Is Pleasure Wrong?
Guys, what drives you? What causes you to climb out of bed and face the world in the morning?
What I am talking about is your motivation.
We are all motivated by something. Something turns our crank and causes us to desire some type of activity, achievement, purpose or progress in life. What is it for you?
One of the motivations the Bible speaks of as inappropriate is the pursuit of pleasure...
"What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures" (James 4:1-3).
That's a hard-hitting passage, but one worthy of attention.
Modern research tells us that the pursuit of pleasure is what drives most people's decisions these days. There is actually a pleasure-inducing chemical in the brain called 'dopamine' that 'rewards' us with pleasurable feelings for choosing certain stimuli such as, where to go on a vacation, what foods to eat - even the intake of alcohol or narcotics.
How do you feel about that? Is it wrong to feel pleasure?
God is not against pleasure. However, He is against selfish or harmful pleasure.
In the verses cited above, the word for pleasure, in the original language of the New Testament, is hedone (HEE-do-nay), the word we get our word, hedonism from.
Hedonism was actually an ancient philosophy that argued that the only intrinsic worth in life is the pursuit of pleasure. If an activity did not produce pleasure, it was not worthy of a Hedonist's time or energy.
While our culture may not engage in the actual philosophy of Hedonism, it is certainly very Hedonistic. Drug and alcohol addiction is rampant - pornography and sex addiction as well. Overeating and food addictions are also prevalent.
Is this a cultural problem, or are people just acting out of what the Bible calls, our fallen nature?
I believe the overall tendency of fallen man is to be Hedonistic - to act out of what makes us feel good, whether that behavior is public or private.
Some men seem to have it all together on the outside, but in their private thoughts and activities, they are pleasure-oriented.
What are your thoughts on this? How do you see yourself with regard to how much you are driven by pleasure in your life?
As always, I welcome your thoughts below.
What I am talking about is your motivation.
We are all motivated by something. Something turns our crank and causes us to desire some type of activity, achievement, purpose or progress in life. What is it for you?
One of the motivations the Bible speaks of as inappropriate is the pursuit of pleasure...
"What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures" (James 4:1-3).
That's a hard-hitting passage, but one worthy of attention.
Modern research tells us that the pursuit of pleasure is what drives most people's decisions these days. There is actually a pleasure-inducing chemical in the brain called 'dopamine' that 'rewards' us with pleasurable feelings for choosing certain stimuli such as, where to go on a vacation, what foods to eat - even the intake of alcohol or narcotics.
How do you feel about that? Is it wrong to feel pleasure?
God is not against pleasure. However, He is against selfish or harmful pleasure.
In the verses cited above, the word for pleasure, in the original language of the New Testament, is hedone (HEE-do-nay), the word we get our word, hedonism from.
Hedonism was actually an ancient philosophy that argued that the only intrinsic worth in life is the pursuit of pleasure. If an activity did not produce pleasure, it was not worthy of a Hedonist's time or energy.
While our culture may not engage in the actual philosophy of Hedonism, it is certainly very Hedonistic. Drug and alcohol addiction is rampant - pornography and sex addiction as well. Overeating and food addictions are also prevalent.
Is this a cultural problem, or are people just acting out of what the Bible calls, our fallen nature?
I believe the overall tendency of fallen man is to be Hedonistic - to act out of what makes us feel good, whether that behavior is public or private.
Some men seem to have it all together on the outside, but in their private thoughts and activities, they are pleasure-oriented.
What are your thoughts on this? How do you see yourself with regard to how much you are driven by pleasure in your life?
As always, I welcome your thoughts below.
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