Mark Joneschiet Music
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Your Cheatin' Heart (Part 4)
I had a friend whose wife did all kinds of crazy things. She would disregard important issues in their lives, forget to pay bills when they had talked it over and she had agreed to take care of them, forgot to pick him up at work, etc.
He had a talk with his pastor about it and was blindsided when the pastor asked him, "Does your wife feel secure in your love?"
"What do you mean?"
"Does your wife really believe she's protected and cherished and that you'll never cut out on her?"
"Well, I've never thought about that. I would never do that, but I'm not sure she understands it that well."
"Let me tell you something about women," the pastor said. "Women are made in such a way that they need to feel as though they are cherished by their husbands. They need to feel as though their needs are being looked after and that they are the number one thought on their husband's minds every day. If they don't feel cared for, often, they will behave in erratic ways."
"I never realized that," the befuddled husband said.
The wise pastor continued...
"Christ used marriage as an example of His love for the church. Paul, in the book of Ephesians, used these words to show how a husband should act toward his wife."
They read this passage together -
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'” (Ephesians 5:25 - 31 - NIV).
The pastor explained...
"It's not the wife who needs to make the husband feel secure. It's up to the husband to make his wife feel cherished and secure. I believe that when a husband loves his wife in a way that makes her feel completely cherished, many of the types of issues you are experiencing with your wife will dissipate."
My friend went back to his wife and had a long talk with her, repenting for many of the ways he had made her feel insecure, how little he had showed how much he cherished her, and promised that she could depend on him always. He changed his behavior as well and showed her how much he loved and cared for her each day. Almost immediately, most of the erratic behavior disappeared.
Does your wife know that you will never leave her or forsake her? Does she know that there is no other woman on earth who will catch your gaze or attract your heart?
One of the greatest tools in your arsenal against finding yourself in a romantic entanglement that you hadn't planned is to practice loving your wife every day in a way that makes her feel special and wanted.
This will make your marriage blossom and grow in ways you cannot imagine.
He had a talk with his pastor about it and was blindsided when the pastor asked him, "Does your wife feel secure in your love?"
"What do you mean?"
"Does your wife really believe she's protected and cherished and that you'll never cut out on her?"
"Well, I've never thought about that. I would never do that, but I'm not sure she understands it that well."
"Let me tell you something about women," the pastor said. "Women are made in such a way that they need to feel as though they are cherished by their husbands. They need to feel as though their needs are being looked after and that they are the number one thought on their husband's minds every day. If they don't feel cared for, often, they will behave in erratic ways."
"I never realized that," the befuddled husband said.
The wise pastor continued...
"Christ used marriage as an example of His love for the church. Paul, in the book of Ephesians, used these words to show how a husband should act toward his wife."
They read this passage together -
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'” (Ephesians 5:25 - 31 - NIV).
The pastor explained...
"It's not the wife who needs to make the husband feel secure. It's up to the husband to make his wife feel cherished and secure. I believe that when a husband loves his wife in a way that makes her feel completely cherished, many of the types of issues you are experiencing with your wife will dissipate."
My friend went back to his wife and had a long talk with her, repenting for many of the ways he had made her feel insecure, how little he had showed how much he cherished her, and promised that she could depend on him always. He changed his behavior as well and showed her how much he loved and cared for her each day. Almost immediately, most of the erratic behavior disappeared.
Does your wife know that you will never leave her or forsake her? Does she know that there is no other woman on earth who will catch your gaze or attract your heart?
One of the greatest tools in your arsenal against finding yourself in a romantic entanglement that you hadn't planned is to practice loving your wife every day in a way that makes her feel special and wanted.
This will make your marriage blossom and grow in ways you cannot imagine.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Your Cheatin' Heart (Part 3)
As we watch another national figure sink deeper into a quagmire where he may have to resign his seat in Congress, we are reminded why cheating is such serious business (in this case, it may not even involve a physical relationship with someone. Only indecent pictures texted via social media).
People in high profile in our nation are facing serious consequences for their actions. A former Governor is currently having to face a several million dollar divorce - a pro golfer has lost millions in marketing support for having multiple affairs. There are serious consequences for failure in the faithfulness department.
What usually takes the greatest beating when there is unfaithfulness, however, are the relationships men have with those who mean the most to them.
I believe that most men who cheat think about the consequences of their actions, but feel a sort of invulnerability about being caught. In other words, they think about what possibly could happen, but don't really believe it will.
That is why the devastation is so pronounced when the truth finally comes out.
And that's why some men take chances... foolish chances that can cost them untold heartache and agony.
A wise pastor I knew at one time, who is no longer with us, used to say this often... "Sin will always take you farther than you want to go... make you stay longer than you want to stay... and make you pay more than you want to pay."
We as men need to ask ourselves often, "Are moments of pleasure worth a lifetime of pain?"
And let me say, I know there are many men who practice faithfulness in their lives and marriages, and they should be greatly commended. However, I have been so caught off guard by men who have been caught in an affair. It has taught me that there is NO one who is immune to this temptation.
If you have failed in this area, there is redemption. If you are tempted in this area, there is provision. And if you have hurt someone, there is always the possibility of reconciliation.
As Jesus said, "...the things which are impossible with men are possible with God" (Luke 18:27 - NIV).
People in high profile in our nation are facing serious consequences for their actions. A former Governor is currently having to face a several million dollar divorce - a pro golfer has lost millions in marketing support for having multiple affairs. There are serious consequences for failure in the faithfulness department.
What usually takes the greatest beating when there is unfaithfulness, however, are the relationships men have with those who mean the most to them.
I believe that most men who cheat think about the consequences of their actions, but feel a sort of invulnerability about being caught. In other words, they think about what possibly could happen, but don't really believe it will.
That is why the devastation is so pronounced when the truth finally comes out.
And that's why some men take chances... foolish chances that can cost them untold heartache and agony.
A wise pastor I knew at one time, who is no longer with us, used to say this often... "Sin will always take you farther than you want to go... make you stay longer than you want to stay... and make you pay more than you want to pay."
We as men need to ask ourselves often, "Are moments of pleasure worth a lifetime of pain?"
And let me say, I know there are many men who practice faithfulness in their lives and marriages, and they should be greatly commended. However, I have been so caught off guard by men who have been caught in an affair. It has taught me that there is NO one who is immune to this temptation.
If you have failed in this area, there is redemption. If you are tempted in this area, there is provision. And if you have hurt someone, there is always the possibility of reconciliation.
As Jesus said, "...the things which are impossible with men are possible with God" (Luke 18:27 - NIV).
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Your Cheatin' Heart (Part 1)
"Jim (fictitious name) will no longer be the leader you report to," the voice on the other end of the phone sadly informed me. "He's been removed from his pastorate. He's been involved in multiple affairs."
Sitting in my office, I was both saddened and stunned. This individual who had been placed over me as a regional leader in one of my pastorates had been living a double life. A husband and father, community leader and pastor; he was no longer in the ministry and had been publicly humiliated through a newspaper article that outlined his failings to an entire community.
Before anyone goes clucking their tongues over this, please realize... NO man is immune to this temptation. I know a number of men who were never in the ministry who have become unfaithful as well.
What causes men to go astray? What incites them to be unfaithful to the woman they promised to love and cherish... "till death do us part?"
I do not think there are any easy answers to this question, due to the fact that all of us are such complex beings. We all have different personality traits, likes and dislikes, character traits, and so on.
However, I believe there are some shared elements that help us understand what causes men to take such risks.
One of the deepest needs all individuals share, men and women alike, is a reason to exist - a need to have purpose and value, in other words.
A man who has lacks purpose and value will be hungry for anything that can come along and fill it.
Even men who have achieved great accomplishments in their lives can feel as though they lack these two elements.
Enter someone who suddenly appreciates them where, perhaps, they haven't been all that appreciated at home. Someone who isn't tied down by duties with the children, cooking, bed making, dish washing, etc. Someone who has time to appreciate this individual who has been feeling as though their life isn't really counting for much.
A movie was released in the year 2000 that doesn't deal specifically with the subject of marital infidelity, but is a perfect example of how a man can be wooed away from a wonderful relationship with a real partner by the desire for more worth, value and accomplishment in his life. The movie... The Family Man starring Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni.
In the movie, Cage plays a Scrooge-type character who is about to be married, but instead of heeding his fiance's intuitive concerns, leaves her to spend a year in London building their financial future. Even though he promises to return, he never does. He has placed his need for worth above the day-to-day relationship and then (in Dickens-like fashion), has a chance to see what his life would have been like if he had heeded his intended's concerns. It's simple, humdrum and day-to-day, with a less-than-exciting career as a manager of a tire store.
But, through the experience, he finds worth and value in the fray of everyday life, with all its banality, common-ness and simplicity.
One of the things a man needs to realize when he marries a woman is that his dreams may never be realized in the way he expects or desires for them to be. He needs to make a pact in his heart before God that this is the woman he intends to be faithful to through all the disappointments and anguishes of life. And to never allow anything or anyone interrupt that commitment.
This, I believe, is the fundamental commitment a man needs to make in his heart in order for a marriage to not only survive, but to thrive and to blossom throughout his life.
Sitting in my office, I was both saddened and stunned. This individual who had been placed over me as a regional leader in one of my pastorates had been living a double life. A husband and father, community leader and pastor; he was no longer in the ministry and had been publicly humiliated through a newspaper article that outlined his failings to an entire community.
Before anyone goes clucking their tongues over this, please realize... NO man is immune to this temptation. I know a number of men who were never in the ministry who have become unfaithful as well.
What causes men to go astray? What incites them to be unfaithful to the woman they promised to love and cherish... "till death do us part?"
I do not think there are any easy answers to this question, due to the fact that all of us are such complex beings. We all have different personality traits, likes and dislikes, character traits, and so on.
However, I believe there are some shared elements that help us understand what causes men to take such risks.
One of the deepest needs all individuals share, men and women alike, is a reason to exist - a need to have purpose and value, in other words.
A man who has lacks purpose and value will be hungry for anything that can come along and fill it.
Even men who have achieved great accomplishments in their lives can feel as though they lack these two elements.
Enter someone who suddenly appreciates them where, perhaps, they haven't been all that appreciated at home. Someone who isn't tied down by duties with the children, cooking, bed making, dish washing, etc. Someone who has time to appreciate this individual who has been feeling as though their life isn't really counting for much.
A movie was released in the year 2000 that doesn't deal specifically with the subject of marital infidelity, but is a perfect example of how a man can be wooed away from a wonderful relationship with a real partner by the desire for more worth, value and accomplishment in his life. The movie... The Family Man starring Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni.
In the movie, Cage plays a Scrooge-type character who is about to be married, but instead of heeding his fiance's intuitive concerns, leaves her to spend a year in London building their financial future. Even though he promises to return, he never does. He has placed his need for worth above the day-to-day relationship and then (in Dickens-like fashion), has a chance to see what his life would have been like if he had heeded his intended's concerns. It's simple, humdrum and day-to-day, with a less-than-exciting career as a manager of a tire store.
But, through the experience, he finds worth and value in the fray of everyday life, with all its banality, common-ness and simplicity.
One of the things a man needs to realize when he marries a woman is that his dreams may never be realized in the way he expects or desires for them to be. He needs to make a pact in his heart before God that this is the woman he intends to be faithful to through all the disappointments and anguishes of life. And to never allow anything or anyone interrupt that commitment.
This, I believe, is the fundamental commitment a man needs to make in his heart in order for a marriage to not only survive, but to thrive and to blossom throughout his life.
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