As we watch another national figure sink deeper into a quagmire where he may have to resign his seat in Congress, we are reminded why cheating is such serious business (in this case, it may not even involve a physical relationship with someone. Only indecent pictures texted via social media).
People in high profile in our nation are facing serious consequences for their actions. A former Governor is currently having to face a several million dollar divorce - a pro golfer has lost millions in marketing support for having multiple affairs. There are serious consequences for failure in the faithfulness department.
What usually takes the greatest beating when there is unfaithfulness, however, are the relationships men have with those who mean the most to them.
I believe that most men who cheat think about the consequences of their actions, but feel a sort of invulnerability about being caught. In other words, they think about what possibly could happen, but don't really believe it will.
That is why the devastation is so pronounced when the truth finally comes out.
And that's why some men take chances... foolish chances that can cost them untold heartache and agony.
A wise pastor I knew at one time, who is no longer with us, used to say this often... "Sin will always take you farther than you want to go... make you stay longer than you want to stay... and make you pay more than you want to pay."
We as men need to ask ourselves often, "Are moments of pleasure worth a lifetime of pain?"
And let me say, I know there are many men who practice faithfulness in their lives and marriages, and they should be greatly commended. However, I have been so caught off guard by men who have been caught in an affair. It has taught me that there is NO one who is immune to this temptation.
If you have failed in this area, there is redemption. If you are tempted in this area, there is provision. And if you have hurt someone, there is always the possibility of reconciliation.
As Jesus said, "...the things which are impossible with men are possible with God" (Luke 18:27 - NIV).
Mark Joneschiet Music
Showing posts with label unfaithfulness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unfaithfulness. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Your Cheatin' Heart (Part 2)
Before writing this segment of my blog, I did some research on the Internet using the words, "Why men cheat." Part of the results were some articles that said men cheat because they were intended to be polygamous and that we should get over the idea of monogamy.
In fact, I had a co-worker ask one day, "Where did we get the idea from the Bible that men were supposed to be monogamous?"
We were discussing the verse in I Timothy 3:2 where Paul instructs Timothy that Elders in the church must be, "...the husband of one wife," meaning that they must not be polygamous (a reflection of the time and area of the world they lived in).
Well, I have to admit I was a little stumped on that one for a bit, due to the fact that there were some characters well thought of by God in the Old Testament (Solomon, for example) who were polygamous. Finally, I reached a conclusion that I believe is Biblical - It's Adam and Eve... not Adam, Eve, Susie, Jane, Bernice and Hortense.
The original model for man apparently, was one husband and one wife. Jesus said in Matthew 19:5, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" (NIV). There is no room in that statement for a multiplicity of wives. One plus one equals two.
The first polygamous marriage recorded in scripture is found in Genesis 4:19 - "Lamech married two women, one named Adah and the other Zillah" (NIV).
And, with all this... I don't really want to get into an entire treatise in support of monogamy. What I do want to do is to challenge the lie that 'men were intended to be polygamous, therefore, it's okay to cheat.' It's an absurd supposition.
All this does is give an excuse to men who are trying to find a reason to be unfaithful. However, this is the type of ludicrous thinking that invades men's hearts and minds these days.
This is a second element that figures into why men cheat. In the same way that Eve made all kinds of rationalizations to eat the forbidden fruit (good for food, pleasing to the eye, desirable for gaining wisdom - Gen. 3:6), so men make rationalizations that cheating is okay - even preposterous rationalizations such as the one mentioned above.
This is not the only thought that can lead a man to destruction. Others are...
"It's only this one time." "You've been under a lot of stress." "How can any man stand up under a temptation like this?" "I didn't expect this to happen. I was unprepared."
And so on, and so on.
We will discuss remedies in future posts.
For now, what types of safeguards do you have in your life to protect you against temptation? Do you allow yourself to be in tempting situations? Do you have any rationalizations that ever put you in a place of danger?
Please feel free to leave a response.
In fact, I had a co-worker ask one day, "Where did we get the idea from the Bible that men were supposed to be monogamous?"
We were discussing the verse in I Timothy 3:2 where Paul instructs Timothy that Elders in the church must be, "...the husband of one wife," meaning that they must not be polygamous (a reflection of the time and area of the world they lived in).
Well, I have to admit I was a little stumped on that one for a bit, due to the fact that there were some characters well thought of by God in the Old Testament (Solomon, for example) who were polygamous. Finally, I reached a conclusion that I believe is Biblical - It's Adam and Eve... not Adam, Eve, Susie, Jane, Bernice and Hortense.
The original model for man apparently, was one husband and one wife. Jesus said in Matthew 19:5, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" (NIV). There is no room in that statement for a multiplicity of wives. One plus one equals two.
The first polygamous marriage recorded in scripture is found in Genesis 4:19 - "Lamech married two women, one named Adah and the other Zillah" (NIV).
And, with all this... I don't really want to get into an entire treatise in support of monogamy. What I do want to do is to challenge the lie that 'men were intended to be polygamous, therefore, it's okay to cheat.' It's an absurd supposition.
All this does is give an excuse to men who are trying to find a reason to be unfaithful. However, this is the type of ludicrous thinking that invades men's hearts and minds these days.
This is a second element that figures into why men cheat. In the same way that Eve made all kinds of rationalizations to eat the forbidden fruit (good for food, pleasing to the eye, desirable for gaining wisdom - Gen. 3:6), so men make rationalizations that cheating is okay - even preposterous rationalizations such as the one mentioned above.
This is not the only thought that can lead a man to destruction. Others are...
"It's only this one time." "You've been under a lot of stress." "How can any man stand up under a temptation like this?" "I didn't expect this to happen. I was unprepared."
And so on, and so on.
We will discuss remedies in future posts.
For now, what types of safeguards do you have in your life to protect you against temptation? Do you allow yourself to be in tempting situations? Do you have any rationalizations that ever put you in a place of danger?
Please feel free to leave a response.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Your Cheatin' Heart (Part 1)
"Jim (fictitious name) will no longer be the leader you report to," the voice on the other end of the phone sadly informed me. "He's been removed from his pastorate. He's been involved in multiple affairs."
Sitting in my office, I was both saddened and stunned. This individual who had been placed over me as a regional leader in one of my pastorates had been living a double life. A husband and father, community leader and pastor; he was no longer in the ministry and had been publicly humiliated through a newspaper article that outlined his failings to an entire community.
Before anyone goes clucking their tongues over this, please realize... NO man is immune to this temptation. I know a number of men who were never in the ministry who have become unfaithful as well.
What causes men to go astray? What incites them to be unfaithful to the woman they promised to love and cherish... "till death do us part?"
I do not think there are any easy answers to this question, due to the fact that all of us are such complex beings. We all have different personality traits, likes and dislikes, character traits, and so on.
However, I believe there are some shared elements that help us understand what causes men to take such risks.
One of the deepest needs all individuals share, men and women alike, is a reason to exist - a need to have purpose and value, in other words.
A man who has lacks purpose and value will be hungry for anything that can come along and fill it.
Even men who have achieved great accomplishments in their lives can feel as though they lack these two elements.
Enter someone who suddenly appreciates them where, perhaps, they haven't been all that appreciated at home. Someone who isn't tied down by duties with the children, cooking, bed making, dish washing, etc. Someone who has time to appreciate this individual who has been feeling as though their life isn't really counting for much.
A movie was released in the year 2000 that doesn't deal specifically with the subject of marital infidelity, but is a perfect example of how a man can be wooed away from a wonderful relationship with a real partner by the desire for more worth, value and accomplishment in his life. The movie... The Family Man starring Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni.
In the movie, Cage plays a Scrooge-type character who is about to be married, but instead of heeding his fiance's intuitive concerns, leaves her to spend a year in London building their financial future. Even though he promises to return, he never does. He has placed his need for worth above the day-to-day relationship and then (in Dickens-like fashion), has a chance to see what his life would have been like if he had heeded his intended's concerns. It's simple, humdrum and day-to-day, with a less-than-exciting career as a manager of a tire store.
But, through the experience, he finds worth and value in the fray of everyday life, with all its banality, common-ness and simplicity.
One of the things a man needs to realize when he marries a woman is that his dreams may never be realized in the way he expects or desires for them to be. He needs to make a pact in his heart before God that this is the woman he intends to be faithful to through all the disappointments and anguishes of life. And to never allow anything or anyone interrupt that commitment.
This, I believe, is the fundamental commitment a man needs to make in his heart in order for a marriage to not only survive, but to thrive and to blossom throughout his life.
Sitting in my office, I was both saddened and stunned. This individual who had been placed over me as a regional leader in one of my pastorates had been living a double life. A husband and father, community leader and pastor; he was no longer in the ministry and had been publicly humiliated through a newspaper article that outlined his failings to an entire community.
Before anyone goes clucking their tongues over this, please realize... NO man is immune to this temptation. I know a number of men who were never in the ministry who have become unfaithful as well.
What causes men to go astray? What incites them to be unfaithful to the woman they promised to love and cherish... "till death do us part?"
I do not think there are any easy answers to this question, due to the fact that all of us are such complex beings. We all have different personality traits, likes and dislikes, character traits, and so on.
However, I believe there are some shared elements that help us understand what causes men to take such risks.
One of the deepest needs all individuals share, men and women alike, is a reason to exist - a need to have purpose and value, in other words.
A man who has lacks purpose and value will be hungry for anything that can come along and fill it.
Even men who have achieved great accomplishments in their lives can feel as though they lack these two elements.
Enter someone who suddenly appreciates them where, perhaps, they haven't been all that appreciated at home. Someone who isn't tied down by duties with the children, cooking, bed making, dish washing, etc. Someone who has time to appreciate this individual who has been feeling as though their life isn't really counting for much.
A movie was released in the year 2000 that doesn't deal specifically with the subject of marital infidelity, but is a perfect example of how a man can be wooed away from a wonderful relationship with a real partner by the desire for more worth, value and accomplishment in his life. The movie... The Family Man starring Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni.
In the movie, Cage plays a Scrooge-type character who is about to be married, but instead of heeding his fiance's intuitive concerns, leaves her to spend a year in London building their financial future. Even though he promises to return, he never does. He has placed his need for worth above the day-to-day relationship and then (in Dickens-like fashion), has a chance to see what his life would have been like if he had heeded his intended's concerns. It's simple, humdrum and day-to-day, with a less-than-exciting career as a manager of a tire store.
But, through the experience, he finds worth and value in the fray of everyday life, with all its banality, common-ness and simplicity.
One of the things a man needs to realize when he marries a woman is that his dreams may never be realized in the way he expects or desires for them to be. He needs to make a pact in his heart before God that this is the woman he intends to be faithful to through all the disappointments and anguishes of life. And to never allow anything or anyone interrupt that commitment.
This, I believe, is the fundamental commitment a man needs to make in his heart in order for a marriage to not only survive, but to thrive and to blossom throughout his life.
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