Mark Joneschiet Music
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Oh, My Papa - Part 3
One of the most piercing moments in cinema history came when Luke Skywalker heard these words... "Luke, I am your father."
Fortunately, most of us have never had to deal with a realization of this magnitude - suddenly discovering that your father is one of the most cunning and ruthless individuals in the galaxy! The amazing thing is, Luke decided to love his sinister dad and the outcome was the salvation of the known universe.
Hopefully, your father was a saint - and a knight in shining armor. If not, these words may help you.
As I said before, I loved my dad - and in many ways, he was a knight. But I was cautious around him due to the issues I've previously mentioned.
During the Eighties, I went through the whole 'adult child grieving your losses' thing, which I seem to be making light of here, but in actuality, found some help in that process. The main thing I was dealing with is that I felt stuck in my life and didn't really feel 'grown up' even though I was in my late thirties.
One of the things that caused me to feel stuck was that I felt like I had to be pleased with my dad regardless of any of the hurt I felt.
Many people feel it's wrong to label their father's behavior as wrong or abusive. And they get stuck in their pain. This verse may be the source of why many feel they should respect their father, regardless:
"Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!" (Hebrews 12:9).
The key to understanding this passage is, we should respect our fathers when they practice true discipline. However, I don't think we're held accountable to respect them for things like ridicule or abuse. Discipline and abuse are two completely different behaviors.
What we as men need to realize is that we need to grieve the losses that we experienced with our fathers, but cherish the memories of the good times. Mostly what I have now are good memories - through forgiveness.
Good things I remember with my father are these... camping at Lofton Reservoir and catching lots of Rainbows - seeing movies like "A Fistful of Dollars" with him on a Sunday afternoon - climbing Stukel Mountain in search of the wily Mule Deer - lunches at the mill we worked at together when I had a summer job there - shooting pool together at the bowling alley - ice fishing at Lake of the Woods - ice skating at the pond at the end of Bristol Avenue - exploring dry creek beds near his old home place in South Dakota - Shooting Geese and Pheasants at State Line Road.
Don't lie to yourself about the bad times. Learn how to grieve and mourn them. In other words, get them out of your system. Forgive and be forgiven (please know... this may be a process). And most of all, cherish the good memories... and don't let anything take them away from you.
Please feel free to leave a comment below.
Fortunately, most of us have never had to deal with a realization of this magnitude - suddenly discovering that your father is one of the most cunning and ruthless individuals in the galaxy! The amazing thing is, Luke decided to love his sinister dad and the outcome was the salvation of the known universe.
Hopefully, your father was a saint - and a knight in shining armor. If not, these words may help you.
As I said before, I loved my dad - and in many ways, he was a knight. But I was cautious around him due to the issues I've previously mentioned.
During the Eighties, I went through the whole 'adult child grieving your losses' thing, which I seem to be making light of here, but in actuality, found some help in that process. The main thing I was dealing with is that I felt stuck in my life and didn't really feel 'grown up' even though I was in my late thirties.
One of the things that caused me to feel stuck was that I felt like I had to be pleased with my dad regardless of any of the hurt I felt.
Many people feel it's wrong to label their father's behavior as wrong or abusive. And they get stuck in their pain. This verse may be the source of why many feel they should respect their father, regardless:
"Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!" (Hebrews 12:9).
The key to understanding this passage is, we should respect our fathers when they practice true discipline. However, I don't think we're held accountable to respect them for things like ridicule or abuse. Discipline and abuse are two completely different behaviors.
What we as men need to realize is that we need to grieve the losses that we experienced with our fathers, but cherish the memories of the good times. Mostly what I have now are good memories - through forgiveness.
Good things I remember with my father are these... camping at Lofton Reservoir and catching lots of Rainbows - seeing movies like "A Fistful of Dollars" with him on a Sunday afternoon - climbing Stukel Mountain in search of the wily Mule Deer - lunches at the mill we worked at together when I had a summer job there - shooting pool together at the bowling alley - ice fishing at Lake of the Woods - ice skating at the pond at the end of Bristol Avenue - exploring dry creek beds near his old home place in South Dakota - Shooting Geese and Pheasants at State Line Road.
Don't lie to yourself about the bad times. Learn how to grieve and mourn them. In other words, get them out of your system. Forgive and be forgiven (please know... this may be a process). And most of all, cherish the good memories... and don't let anything take them away from you.
Please feel free to leave a comment below.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Oh, My Papa - Part 2
Previously, I talked about how I was able to forgive my father when I learned he'd had Alzheimer's for a number of years. This accounted for many of the clashes we'd had over time.
What I haven't discussed is that the problems in our relationship were not a one-way street... all his fault, in other words.
I could be pretty insolent. And I don't think I need to go into detail on any of that. Just chalk it up that I needed to be forgiven by HIM on many occasions as well.
What I want to emphasize in this post is that, learning of my father's Alzheimer's made it easy for me to forgive him fully. I suddenly realized how scared he must have been at times, not understanding what was happening to his mind and emotions as this disease slowly advanced.
But that did not take me off the hook in forgiving him regularly WITHOUT that knowlege. And I DID practice forgiveness toward him. But perhaps, not as often or as fully I should have.
I believe the primary thing that needs to happen in fathers turning their hearts toward their children and children turning their hearts toward their fathers (as stated in Malachi 4:6 and mentioned in my previous post), is LOADS of forgiveness and understanding. Living in a family is not easy. It takes ENORMOUS amounts of grace to get along.
A significant passage regarding this is Ephesians 6:1 - 4. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother', for this is the first commandment with promise - so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (NIV)
It's understandable that scripture would admonish children to obey their parents, but it's the second part that frightens me... the idea that fathers would provoke their children to anger. Another translation says, "Fathers, don't make your children bitter about life..." (God's Word Translation).
In these days of widespread substance abuse, I'm hearing horrific stories of men who, with deliberation, strip their children of any sense of self-worth they might have. Ridicule, anger, accusation, belittlement, lies. Many children are growing up with little self-confidence and support.
If this is the environment you grew up in, or an environment you're fostering, there is healing. It may be a process, but there is hope. Jesus told us in Luke 1:37, "...with God, nothing shall be impossible." (KJV)
Feel free to comment below.
What I haven't discussed is that the problems in our relationship were not a one-way street... all his fault, in other words.
I could be pretty insolent. And I don't think I need to go into detail on any of that. Just chalk it up that I needed to be forgiven by HIM on many occasions as well.
What I want to emphasize in this post is that, learning of my father's Alzheimer's made it easy for me to forgive him fully. I suddenly realized how scared he must have been at times, not understanding what was happening to his mind and emotions as this disease slowly advanced.
But that did not take me off the hook in forgiving him regularly WITHOUT that knowlege. And I DID practice forgiveness toward him. But perhaps, not as often or as fully I should have.
I believe the primary thing that needs to happen in fathers turning their hearts toward their children and children turning their hearts toward their fathers (as stated in Malachi 4:6 and mentioned in my previous post), is LOADS of forgiveness and understanding. Living in a family is not easy. It takes ENORMOUS amounts of grace to get along.
A significant passage regarding this is Ephesians 6:1 - 4. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother', for this is the first commandment with promise - so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (NIV)
It's understandable that scripture would admonish children to obey their parents, but it's the second part that frightens me... the idea that fathers would provoke their children to anger. Another translation says, "Fathers, don't make your children bitter about life..." (God's Word Translation).
In these days of widespread substance abuse, I'm hearing horrific stories of men who, with deliberation, strip their children of any sense of self-worth they might have. Ridicule, anger, accusation, belittlement, lies. Many children are growing up with little self-confidence and support.
If this is the environment you grew up in, or an environment you're fostering, there is healing. It may be a process, but there is hope. Jesus told us in Luke 1:37, "...with God, nothing shall be impossible." (KJV)
Feel free to comment below.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Possum Lodge Progress
Let's hear it, guys... all together... The Man's Prayer! You all know it if you've ever seen "The Red Green Show." "I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess."
My previous post was about worth and value and where we derive it from. My answer was, THE place to start is, God values us... enough to send His precious Son to die for us.
You might be a person of great faith, or you may be someone who has never darkened the door of a church in your life. It makes no difference. We have all felt the pangs of the Possum Lodge Brothers agreeing that being a man is, in and of itself, a poor enough condition to feel bad about.
Why is that? Why do so many of us feel so miserable about ourselves?
For many of us, sadly, it's because we really have failed someone or even many people in our lives. We've let someone very close to us down. Our wife. Our son. Our daughter. Our parents. A girlfiend. A close friend.
In other ways, we may feel like we've never achieved what we set out to achieve. In still other ways, we may not deserve the guilt we feel at all, but feel it because we were raised (unfairly) to consider ourselves less than worthy of anyone's admiration or concern.
Whatever the reason, this is not a condition we need to remain in. There is a remedy for this painful state.
Gideon, a man in the Old Testament book of Judges was a man who most certainly didn't see himself as anyone great or powerful during a time of opression by a foreign enemy. He was confronted by an angel from God one day who said, "The Lord is with you, Mighty Warrior" (Judges 6:12).
Can you imagine how Gideon felt, hiding in a winepress, threshing grain because he was afraid his enemy would show up and steal the food he was trying to provide for his family?
Long story short... Gideon went from this sorrowful state to lead the army of Israel in routing their oppressors. He lived out the words of the angel who spoke of how God saw him.
However you see yourself today, please realize that God has the ability to see strengths in us that we could never see. Oh, that we would all be able to stand together someday and say the Lion's Lodge Pledge together... "I'm a man. I am made in God's image. I am a Victor! And I am SURE of it!"
My previous post was about worth and value and where we derive it from. My answer was, THE place to start is, God values us... enough to send His precious Son to die for us.
You might be a person of great faith, or you may be someone who has never darkened the door of a church in your life. It makes no difference. We have all felt the pangs of the Possum Lodge Brothers agreeing that being a man is, in and of itself, a poor enough condition to feel bad about.
Why is that? Why do so many of us feel so miserable about ourselves?
For many of us, sadly, it's because we really have failed someone or even many people in our lives. We've let someone very close to us down. Our wife. Our son. Our daughter. Our parents. A girlfiend. A close friend.
In other ways, we may feel like we've never achieved what we set out to achieve. In still other ways, we may not deserve the guilt we feel at all, but feel it because we were raised (unfairly) to consider ourselves less than worthy of anyone's admiration or concern.
Whatever the reason, this is not a condition we need to remain in. There is a remedy for this painful state.
Gideon, a man in the Old Testament book of Judges was a man who most certainly didn't see himself as anyone great or powerful during a time of opression by a foreign enemy. He was confronted by an angel from God one day who said, "The Lord is with you, Mighty Warrior" (Judges 6:12).
Can you imagine how Gideon felt, hiding in a winepress, threshing grain because he was afraid his enemy would show up and steal the food he was trying to provide for his family?
Long story short... Gideon went from this sorrowful state to lead the army of Israel in routing their oppressors. He lived out the words of the angel who spoke of how God saw him.
However you see yourself today, please realize that God has the ability to see strengths in us that we could never see. Oh, that we would all be able to stand together someday and say the Lion's Lodge Pledge together... "I'm a man. I am made in God's image. I am a Victor! And I am SURE of it!"
Monday, April 25, 2011
Guy Stuff
I have had this blog page up for some time and have never done anything with it. Today though, I got a wild hair (a.k.a. inspiration from God?) to begin sharing thoughts about being a man in the Kingdom of God.
For some time, I have thought about how it's lonely for men in the church world. There are all types of men's fellowships, breakfasts, conferences, etc. And men are heralded for attending these meetings because it's assumed that most men would would rather not deal with problems that are confrontive and intrusive into their world. So, they are applauded for venturing out, listening to spiritual teaching, and thinking about spiritual issues - and such.
I am not demeaning these avenues of help. And truthfully, I believe it's true in many cases that men have a hard time discussing and dealing with hard problems in their lives. However, in many instances, I think what's happening is that the wrong things are being offered to men. Many churches think that men have to be lured by motorcycles and hot cars. What I believe men are really looking for, for the most part, is a safe place to talk about the real concerns of their lives. The hard questions. The ones they can't talk to their wives about. The ones they can't talk to their pastor about. The shameful memories. The frightening enigmas. The painful wounds.
Awhile back, a book was written that scratched the surface fairly deep about many of these issues (I will not mention the name of the book). For me, however, this book didn't go deep enough. And so, here I am... talking about these problems to the world at large (if I am fortunate enough for this blog to ever have that kind of impact).
This is a scary venture, truthfully. It may requre being more transparent than I want to be. I'm not sure where it will go, but I sense that men need help out there. Help with the pain, the turmoil and the scars that are so prevalent in our culture today.
The fairer sex are welcome to come here too. You ladies may be puzzled about the man in your life. Perhaps you will be able to find some answers here as well.
It is my sincere hope that the words I am posting on this blog will bring hope and solace to some frightened and troubled souls. Perhaps mine as much as anyone's.
For some time, I have thought about how it's lonely for men in the church world. There are all types of men's fellowships, breakfasts, conferences, etc. And men are heralded for attending these meetings because it's assumed that most men would would rather not deal with problems that are confrontive and intrusive into their world. So, they are applauded for venturing out, listening to spiritual teaching, and thinking about spiritual issues - and such.
I am not demeaning these avenues of help. And truthfully, I believe it's true in many cases that men have a hard time discussing and dealing with hard problems in their lives. However, in many instances, I think what's happening is that the wrong things are being offered to men. Many churches think that men have to be lured by motorcycles and hot cars. What I believe men are really looking for, for the most part, is a safe place to talk about the real concerns of their lives. The hard questions. The ones they can't talk to their wives about. The ones they can't talk to their pastor about. The shameful memories. The frightening enigmas. The painful wounds.
Awhile back, a book was written that scratched the surface fairly deep about many of these issues (I will not mention the name of the book). For me, however, this book didn't go deep enough. And so, here I am... talking about these problems to the world at large (if I am fortunate enough for this blog to ever have that kind of impact).
This is a scary venture, truthfully. It may requre being more transparent than I want to be. I'm not sure where it will go, but I sense that men need help out there. Help with the pain, the turmoil and the scars that are so prevalent in our culture today.
The fairer sex are welcome to come here too. You ladies may be puzzled about the man in your life. Perhaps you will be able to find some answers here as well.
It is my sincere hope that the words I am posting on this blog will bring hope and solace to some frightened and troubled souls. Perhaps mine as much as anyone's.
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