I read an incredible article in an animal rescue magazine recently. It was
talking about animal’s personalities.
The author was talking about how animals have distinctive personalities.
For example, if you look at a flock of Sheep, you just see a flock of
sheep. But if you spend time with them, you will begin to notice that each
Sheep has a distinctive personality. In other words, they are not all the
same.
This caused me to think about Jesus’ words in John 10:14 and 15 –
“I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me– just as the
Father knows me and I know the Father…”
Of course, the analogy has to do with the fact that Jesus shepherds (leads
and takes care of) His followers.
Have you ever felt like you were just another number in a long line of
individuals with numbers? Waiting in a grocery line… waiting in a filling
station line… waiting in a doctor’s office… waiting at the DMV, etc.
“Next?” “Next?” “Next?” “Next?”
If so, here’s some good news. Jesus says He knows His sheep! You aren’t
just a number to him… another face… another body… another name. He knows
everything about you. He knows your current state of health, what you are
doing, what your likes and dislikes are, what your hobbies and interests
are, your quirks, strengths, weaknesses… and on and on.
In fact, He says in Luke 12:6 and 7, “Are not five sparrows sold for two
pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of
your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many
sparrows.”
Press into God! Realize that you are not a stranger to Him! He cares
about all your victories, all your defeats and all your anxieties. He
cares about all your dreams, all your aspirations and all your hopes.
Always remember to keep pressing in - for you are a unique and special creation of
God's!
Mark Joneschiet Music
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
The Oldest Profession (Part 2)
Speaking of the subject of work... It's definitely something that God is pleased with. Or, in another vein, LACK of work is something God is DIS-pleased with. Consider these Proverbs...
“Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. Without having any chief, officer, or ruler, she prepares her bread in summer and gathers her food in harvest. How long will you lie there, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man” (Proverbs 6:6-11).
“A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich. He who gathers in summer is a prudent son, but he who sleeps in harvest is a son who brings shame” (Proverbs 10:4-5).
Now, here's the rub... while God seems to be pleased with work, it won't save anyone's soul.
Some individuals actually believe that on the day they stand before God, they'll be able to present their life of hard work, achievements and business acumen as what God will ultimately be pleased with. While He honors and respects hard work, it is nothing that will guarantee a ticket into Heaven.
In fact, there is nothing that will guarantee a home in heaven except for faith.
“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him” (Hebrews 11:6).
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast" (Ephesians 2:8, 9).
And, of course, the faith we are speaking of here is faith in Christ and His finished work on the Cross.
So, here we are with a dilemma; God likes work, but works won't save you from Perdition.
And yet, the Bible tells us that works are good!
"For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done" (Matthew 16:27).
So, what will help us to understand the apparent impasse of all these ideas?
Well, it's simply this... we are saved by our faith. We are rewarded for our works. Many people get these two terms mixed up, or consider them to be synonyms. But they are not.
“Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. Without having any chief, officer, or ruler, she prepares her bread in summer and gathers her food in harvest. How long will you lie there, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man” (Proverbs 6:6-11).
“A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich. He who gathers in summer is a prudent son, but he who sleeps in harvest is a son who brings shame” (Proverbs 10:4-5).
Now, here's the rub... while God seems to be pleased with work, it won't save anyone's soul.
Some individuals actually believe that on the day they stand before God, they'll be able to present their life of hard work, achievements and business acumen as what God will ultimately be pleased with. While He honors and respects hard work, it is nothing that will guarantee a ticket into Heaven.
In fact, there is nothing that will guarantee a home in heaven except for faith.
“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him” (Hebrews 11:6).
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast" (Ephesians 2:8, 9).
And, of course, the faith we are speaking of here is faith in Christ and His finished work on the Cross.
So, here we are with a dilemma; God likes work, but works won't save you from Perdition.
And yet, the Bible tells us that works are good!
"For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done" (Matthew 16:27).
So, what will help us to understand the apparent impasse of all these ideas?
Well, it's simply this... we are saved by our faith. We are rewarded for our works. Many people get these two terms mixed up, or consider them to be synonyms. But they are not.
You see... there will be rewards in Heaven for what we have done for the Lord on earth. Once again... our works won't guarantee us a spot in Heaven, but they will give us dividends in eternity.
What things have you trusted in to earn God's love and favor? Are they legitimate, or are they false? Are you able to rest in the fact that Christ paid for your salvation completely, and that you do not need to earn your way to Heaven?
Feel free to leave comments.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
The Oldest Profession (Part 1)
I met a young man, probably in his early twenties, at a Farmer's Market recently, who told me he didn't work. He was hanging around the market playing a drum. Someone had told him he was a "drain on society" because he didn't work and he wasn't very happy about their estimation of him.
The conversation didn't last long enough for me to learn why he didn't work. Was it because he was on disability? Was it because he didn't believe in it? Was it because he was independently wealthy? A foray of questions went through my mind about why he didn't work.
The experience caused me to think about work and God's Word.
Many people refer to prostitution as 'the world's oldest profession.' However, that's not true. The world's oldest profession is landscaper. Adam's (the first man's) job was to "...dress the garden" (Genesis 2:15 - KJV).
Until sin entered the human race through Adam, work was a joy. After Adam fell, however, work became toil because the ground was cursed with "thorns and thistles" (Gen. 3:18 - KJV).
I always wondered why God said, "The ground is cursed because of you," (Gen. 3:17 - KJV) to Adam, until I realized that Adam was created from the ground (Gen. 2:7). His name literally means, "red clay."
Thus, the ground was cursed because the man from whom it was made was cursed, due to his sin.
It seems that, to a certain degree, even non-agrarian work tends to have "weeds" in it. In other words, even if a person finds their job to be rewarding, they tend to find aspects of it to be drudgery and difficult.
Nevertheless, it seems from scripture, men are supposed to work as mentioned in this passage from the New Testament -
"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody" (I Thessalonians 4:11 - NIV).
II Thessalonians 3:10 goes even further...
"For even when we were with you, we used to give you this command: 'If anyone is not willing to work, neither should he eat.'"
And, of course, the Bible gives provision for those who legitimately can't work and need to be cared for.
But, back to my young acquaintance who doesn't work... assuming he's of reasonably sound mind and is physically able, he should work. Plain and simple.
The world is too full of individuals who have fantastic physical and mental limitations, challenges, liabilities and other problems, who earn their way in this world.
Proverbs 26:13 says, "The lazy man says, "There is a lion in the road! A fierce lion is in the streets!" (KJV). Some people get very creative as to why they can't go to work. I'm sure employers have heard even more absurd excuses than this.
So, Christian men... it's incumbent upon you that if you are physically and mentally able to, to work. And not only to work, but to overcome the "weeds" found in your work in order to find value in being productive and not lazy.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Being the Hero
Another movie is coming out about a Super Hero - the Green Lantern! I LOVE what they're doing with special effects these days. When I was little, I always wished they would be able to create some movie magic that would make these comic book heroes come to life. AND THEY HAVE!!!
As I've remarked before, I'm all about the hero... the guy who swoops in to save the day. And I think God made us to be that way, men... to be the savior... the guy with the cape and symbol on his chest to save the damsel in distress, as it were.
There is an immense dichotomy, however, regarding what a true hero is in the light of scripture.
The Apostle Paul talks about this in this passage...
"I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell. I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses" (2 Corinthians 12:2 - 9).
The Hebrews believed in three heavens... the sky above us where the clouds roam (known as 'the firmament' in scripture), the place where the stars dwell (outer space) and actual Heaven... the dwelling place of God. God's dwelling place is the 'Third Heaven' Paul is referring to here.
Paul saw things that were unimaginable. However, God saw the potential in Paul for pride because of what he saw (theologian that he was), so a literal demon was given to him to pummel his physical body... something he asked God to take away... three times! But, God evidently deemed it proper to leave this demonic entity in Paul's life to keep him from falling according to pride... in the same way Satan originally had (Isaiah 14:3 - 20).
Paul follows the above passage up with this astounding statement... "That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (II Corinthians 12:10 - NIV).
The hard part about walking in the Kingdom, guys, is that God is more pleased when we surrender the areas we have strength in to Him... and function in areas we may not be too strong in.
It's hard for us to do such a thing, because we want to be those warriors who defeat the foe. And we fantasize about physically thwarting some evil thing that threatens our family or a loved one.
Scripture explains the way we get to vanquish the real foes in our lives... on our knees.
"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (II Corinthians 10:3 - 5 - NIV).
The most effective thing we can do as men who love our families, friends, acquaintances, etc., is to spend time every day warring over issues we and they are facing... through prayer.
Are you the hero, men? Warriors in your family and workplace? As Mary Jane Watson would say to Spidey... "Go get 'em, Tiger!"
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Your Cheatin' Heart (Part 4)
I had a friend whose wife did all kinds of crazy things. She would disregard important issues in their lives, forget to pay bills when they had talked it over and she had agreed to take care of them, forgot to pick him up at work, etc.
He had a talk with his pastor about it and was blindsided when the pastor asked him, "Does your wife feel secure in your love?"
"What do you mean?"
"Does your wife really believe she's protected and cherished and that you'll never cut out on her?"
"Well, I've never thought about that. I would never do that, but I'm not sure she understands it that well."
"Let me tell you something about women," the pastor said. "Women are made in such a way that they need to feel as though they are cherished by their husbands. They need to feel as though their needs are being looked after and that they are the number one thought on their husband's minds every day. If they don't feel cared for, often, they will behave in erratic ways."
"I never realized that," the befuddled husband said.
The wise pastor continued...
"Christ used marriage as an example of His love for the church. Paul, in the book of Ephesians, used these words to show how a husband should act toward his wife."
They read this passage together -
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'” (Ephesians 5:25 - 31 - NIV).
The pastor explained...
"It's not the wife who needs to make the husband feel secure. It's up to the husband to make his wife feel cherished and secure. I believe that when a husband loves his wife in a way that makes her feel completely cherished, many of the types of issues you are experiencing with your wife will dissipate."
My friend went back to his wife and had a long talk with her, repenting for many of the ways he had made her feel insecure, how little he had showed how much he cherished her, and promised that she could depend on him always. He changed his behavior as well and showed her how much he loved and cared for her each day. Almost immediately, most of the erratic behavior disappeared.
Does your wife know that you will never leave her or forsake her? Does she know that there is no other woman on earth who will catch your gaze or attract your heart?
One of the greatest tools in your arsenal against finding yourself in a romantic entanglement that you hadn't planned is to practice loving your wife every day in a way that makes her feel special and wanted.
This will make your marriage blossom and grow in ways you cannot imagine.
He had a talk with his pastor about it and was blindsided when the pastor asked him, "Does your wife feel secure in your love?"
"What do you mean?"
"Does your wife really believe she's protected and cherished and that you'll never cut out on her?"
"Well, I've never thought about that. I would never do that, but I'm not sure she understands it that well."
"Let me tell you something about women," the pastor said. "Women are made in such a way that they need to feel as though they are cherished by their husbands. They need to feel as though their needs are being looked after and that they are the number one thought on their husband's minds every day. If they don't feel cared for, often, they will behave in erratic ways."
"I never realized that," the befuddled husband said.
The wise pastor continued...
"Christ used marriage as an example of His love for the church. Paul, in the book of Ephesians, used these words to show how a husband should act toward his wife."
They read this passage together -
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'” (Ephesians 5:25 - 31 - NIV).
The pastor explained...
"It's not the wife who needs to make the husband feel secure. It's up to the husband to make his wife feel cherished and secure. I believe that when a husband loves his wife in a way that makes her feel completely cherished, many of the types of issues you are experiencing with your wife will dissipate."
My friend went back to his wife and had a long talk with her, repenting for many of the ways he had made her feel insecure, how little he had showed how much he cherished her, and promised that she could depend on him always. He changed his behavior as well and showed her how much he loved and cared for her each day. Almost immediately, most of the erratic behavior disappeared.
Does your wife know that you will never leave her or forsake her? Does she know that there is no other woman on earth who will catch your gaze or attract your heart?
One of the greatest tools in your arsenal against finding yourself in a romantic entanglement that you hadn't planned is to practice loving your wife every day in a way that makes her feel special and wanted.
This will make your marriage blossom and grow in ways you cannot imagine.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Your Cheatin' Heart (Part 3)
As we watch another national figure sink deeper into a quagmire where he may have to resign his seat in Congress, we are reminded why cheating is such serious business (in this case, it may not even involve a physical relationship with someone. Only indecent pictures texted via social media).
People in high profile in our nation are facing serious consequences for their actions. A former Governor is currently having to face a several million dollar divorce - a pro golfer has lost millions in marketing support for having multiple affairs. There are serious consequences for failure in the faithfulness department.
What usually takes the greatest beating when there is unfaithfulness, however, are the relationships men have with those who mean the most to them.
I believe that most men who cheat think about the consequences of their actions, but feel a sort of invulnerability about being caught. In other words, they think about what possibly could happen, but don't really believe it will.
That is why the devastation is so pronounced when the truth finally comes out.
And that's why some men take chances... foolish chances that can cost them untold heartache and agony.
A wise pastor I knew at one time, who is no longer with us, used to say this often... "Sin will always take you farther than you want to go... make you stay longer than you want to stay... and make you pay more than you want to pay."
We as men need to ask ourselves often, "Are moments of pleasure worth a lifetime of pain?"
And let me say, I know there are many men who practice faithfulness in their lives and marriages, and they should be greatly commended. However, I have been so caught off guard by men who have been caught in an affair. It has taught me that there is NO one who is immune to this temptation.
If you have failed in this area, there is redemption. If you are tempted in this area, there is provision. And if you have hurt someone, there is always the possibility of reconciliation.
As Jesus said, "...the things which are impossible with men are possible with God" (Luke 18:27 - NIV).
People in high profile in our nation are facing serious consequences for their actions. A former Governor is currently having to face a several million dollar divorce - a pro golfer has lost millions in marketing support for having multiple affairs. There are serious consequences for failure in the faithfulness department.
What usually takes the greatest beating when there is unfaithfulness, however, are the relationships men have with those who mean the most to them.
I believe that most men who cheat think about the consequences of their actions, but feel a sort of invulnerability about being caught. In other words, they think about what possibly could happen, but don't really believe it will.
That is why the devastation is so pronounced when the truth finally comes out.
And that's why some men take chances... foolish chances that can cost them untold heartache and agony.
A wise pastor I knew at one time, who is no longer with us, used to say this often... "Sin will always take you farther than you want to go... make you stay longer than you want to stay... and make you pay more than you want to pay."
We as men need to ask ourselves often, "Are moments of pleasure worth a lifetime of pain?"
And let me say, I know there are many men who practice faithfulness in their lives and marriages, and they should be greatly commended. However, I have been so caught off guard by men who have been caught in an affair. It has taught me that there is NO one who is immune to this temptation.
If you have failed in this area, there is redemption. If you are tempted in this area, there is provision. And if you have hurt someone, there is always the possibility of reconciliation.
As Jesus said, "...the things which are impossible with men are possible with God" (Luke 18:27 - NIV).
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Your Cheatin' Heart (Part 2)
Before writing this segment of my blog, I did some research on the Internet using the words, "Why men cheat." Part of the results were some articles that said men cheat because they were intended to be polygamous and that we should get over the idea of monogamy.
In fact, I had a co-worker ask one day, "Where did we get the idea from the Bible that men were supposed to be monogamous?"
We were discussing the verse in I Timothy 3:2 where Paul instructs Timothy that Elders in the church must be, "...the husband of one wife," meaning that they must not be polygamous (a reflection of the time and area of the world they lived in).
Well, I have to admit I was a little stumped on that one for a bit, due to the fact that there were some characters well thought of by God in the Old Testament (Solomon, for example) who were polygamous. Finally, I reached a conclusion that I believe is Biblical - It's Adam and Eve... not Adam, Eve, Susie, Jane, Bernice and Hortense.
The original model for man apparently, was one husband and one wife. Jesus said in Matthew 19:5, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" (NIV). There is no room in that statement for a multiplicity of wives. One plus one equals two.
The first polygamous marriage recorded in scripture is found in Genesis 4:19 - "Lamech married two women, one named Adah and the other Zillah" (NIV).
And, with all this... I don't really want to get into an entire treatise in support of monogamy. What I do want to do is to challenge the lie that 'men were intended to be polygamous, therefore, it's okay to cheat.' It's an absurd supposition.
All this does is give an excuse to men who are trying to find a reason to be unfaithful. However, this is the type of ludicrous thinking that invades men's hearts and minds these days.
This is a second element that figures into why men cheat. In the same way that Eve made all kinds of rationalizations to eat the forbidden fruit (good for food, pleasing to the eye, desirable for gaining wisdom - Gen. 3:6), so men make rationalizations that cheating is okay - even preposterous rationalizations such as the one mentioned above.
This is not the only thought that can lead a man to destruction. Others are...
"It's only this one time." "You've been under a lot of stress." "How can any man stand up under a temptation like this?" "I didn't expect this to happen. I was unprepared."
And so on, and so on.
We will discuss remedies in future posts.
For now, what types of safeguards do you have in your life to protect you against temptation? Do you allow yourself to be in tempting situations? Do you have any rationalizations that ever put you in a place of danger?
Please feel free to leave a response.
In fact, I had a co-worker ask one day, "Where did we get the idea from the Bible that men were supposed to be monogamous?"
We were discussing the verse in I Timothy 3:2 where Paul instructs Timothy that Elders in the church must be, "...the husband of one wife," meaning that they must not be polygamous (a reflection of the time and area of the world they lived in).
Well, I have to admit I was a little stumped on that one for a bit, due to the fact that there were some characters well thought of by God in the Old Testament (Solomon, for example) who were polygamous. Finally, I reached a conclusion that I believe is Biblical - It's Adam and Eve... not Adam, Eve, Susie, Jane, Bernice and Hortense.
The original model for man apparently, was one husband and one wife. Jesus said in Matthew 19:5, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" (NIV). There is no room in that statement for a multiplicity of wives. One plus one equals two.
The first polygamous marriage recorded in scripture is found in Genesis 4:19 - "Lamech married two women, one named Adah and the other Zillah" (NIV).
And, with all this... I don't really want to get into an entire treatise in support of monogamy. What I do want to do is to challenge the lie that 'men were intended to be polygamous, therefore, it's okay to cheat.' It's an absurd supposition.
All this does is give an excuse to men who are trying to find a reason to be unfaithful. However, this is the type of ludicrous thinking that invades men's hearts and minds these days.
This is a second element that figures into why men cheat. In the same way that Eve made all kinds of rationalizations to eat the forbidden fruit (good for food, pleasing to the eye, desirable for gaining wisdom - Gen. 3:6), so men make rationalizations that cheating is okay - even preposterous rationalizations such as the one mentioned above.
This is not the only thought that can lead a man to destruction. Others are...
"It's only this one time." "You've been under a lot of stress." "How can any man stand up under a temptation like this?" "I didn't expect this to happen. I was unprepared."
And so on, and so on.
We will discuss remedies in future posts.
For now, what types of safeguards do you have in your life to protect you against temptation? Do you allow yourself to be in tempting situations? Do you have any rationalizations that ever put you in a place of danger?
Please feel free to leave a response.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Your Cheatin' Heart (Part 1)
"Jim (fictitious name) will no longer be the leader you report to," the voice on the other end of the phone sadly informed me. "He's been removed from his pastorate. He's been involved in multiple affairs."
Sitting in my office, I was both saddened and stunned. This individual who had been placed over me as a regional leader in one of my pastorates had been living a double life. A husband and father, community leader and pastor; he was no longer in the ministry and had been publicly humiliated through a newspaper article that outlined his failings to an entire community.
Before anyone goes clucking their tongues over this, please realize... NO man is immune to this temptation. I know a number of men who were never in the ministry who have become unfaithful as well.
What causes men to go astray? What incites them to be unfaithful to the woman they promised to love and cherish... "till death do us part?"
I do not think there are any easy answers to this question, due to the fact that all of us are such complex beings. We all have different personality traits, likes and dislikes, character traits, and so on.
However, I believe there are some shared elements that help us understand what causes men to take such risks.
One of the deepest needs all individuals share, men and women alike, is a reason to exist - a need to have purpose and value, in other words.
A man who has lacks purpose and value will be hungry for anything that can come along and fill it.
Even men who have achieved great accomplishments in their lives can feel as though they lack these two elements.
Enter someone who suddenly appreciates them where, perhaps, they haven't been all that appreciated at home. Someone who isn't tied down by duties with the children, cooking, bed making, dish washing, etc. Someone who has time to appreciate this individual who has been feeling as though their life isn't really counting for much.
A movie was released in the year 2000 that doesn't deal specifically with the subject of marital infidelity, but is a perfect example of how a man can be wooed away from a wonderful relationship with a real partner by the desire for more worth, value and accomplishment in his life. The movie... The Family Man starring Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni.
In the movie, Cage plays a Scrooge-type character who is about to be married, but instead of heeding his fiance's intuitive concerns, leaves her to spend a year in London building their financial future. Even though he promises to return, he never does. He has placed his need for worth above the day-to-day relationship and then (in Dickens-like fashion), has a chance to see what his life would have been like if he had heeded his intended's concerns. It's simple, humdrum and day-to-day, with a less-than-exciting career as a manager of a tire store.
But, through the experience, he finds worth and value in the fray of everyday life, with all its banality, common-ness and simplicity.
One of the things a man needs to realize when he marries a woman is that his dreams may never be realized in the way he expects or desires for them to be. He needs to make a pact in his heart before God that this is the woman he intends to be faithful to through all the disappointments and anguishes of life. And to never allow anything or anyone interrupt that commitment.
This, I believe, is the fundamental commitment a man needs to make in his heart in order for a marriage to not only survive, but to thrive and to blossom throughout his life.
Sitting in my office, I was both saddened and stunned. This individual who had been placed over me as a regional leader in one of my pastorates had been living a double life. A husband and father, community leader and pastor; he was no longer in the ministry and had been publicly humiliated through a newspaper article that outlined his failings to an entire community.
Before anyone goes clucking their tongues over this, please realize... NO man is immune to this temptation. I know a number of men who were never in the ministry who have become unfaithful as well.
What causes men to go astray? What incites them to be unfaithful to the woman they promised to love and cherish... "till death do us part?"
I do not think there are any easy answers to this question, due to the fact that all of us are such complex beings. We all have different personality traits, likes and dislikes, character traits, and so on.
However, I believe there are some shared elements that help us understand what causes men to take such risks.
One of the deepest needs all individuals share, men and women alike, is a reason to exist - a need to have purpose and value, in other words.
A man who has lacks purpose and value will be hungry for anything that can come along and fill it.
Even men who have achieved great accomplishments in their lives can feel as though they lack these two elements.
Enter someone who suddenly appreciates them where, perhaps, they haven't been all that appreciated at home. Someone who isn't tied down by duties with the children, cooking, bed making, dish washing, etc. Someone who has time to appreciate this individual who has been feeling as though their life isn't really counting for much.
A movie was released in the year 2000 that doesn't deal specifically with the subject of marital infidelity, but is a perfect example of how a man can be wooed away from a wonderful relationship with a real partner by the desire for more worth, value and accomplishment in his life. The movie... The Family Man starring Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni.
In the movie, Cage plays a Scrooge-type character who is about to be married, but instead of heeding his fiance's intuitive concerns, leaves her to spend a year in London building their financial future. Even though he promises to return, he never does. He has placed his need for worth above the day-to-day relationship and then (in Dickens-like fashion), has a chance to see what his life would have been like if he had heeded his intended's concerns. It's simple, humdrum and day-to-day, with a less-than-exciting career as a manager of a tire store.
But, through the experience, he finds worth and value in the fray of everyday life, with all its banality, common-ness and simplicity.
One of the things a man needs to realize when he marries a woman is that his dreams may never be realized in the way he expects or desires for them to be. He needs to make a pact in his heart before God that this is the woman he intends to be faithful to through all the disappointments and anguishes of life. And to never allow anything or anyone interrupt that commitment.
This, I believe, is the fundamental commitment a man needs to make in his heart in order for a marriage to not only survive, but to thrive and to blossom throughout his life.
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