I am posting the link to Clay Crosse's story again because I will reference it in this post - Click here
Clay had difficulty with pornography because he was exposed to it in the fourth grade. Although it may be shocking to some, I do not believe this is uncommon in today's culture. Perhaps children even younger than this are being exposed regularly.
Cable television and the Internet are ways in which children can easily access porn these days.
I believe that many men who have difficulties with porn are exposed to it as grade-schoolers or during their early teens.
One of the reasons I believe pornography is rampant today is that emerging teens are not prepared for what is going to happen in their bodies and minds as they begin to enter adulthood. They are not taught what will happen when their testosterone levels begin to increase rapidly and how to deal with it.
Here is link that encapsulates what happens when a boy begins to enter puberty - Click here
This is a difficult time in a child's life. And research seems to be telling us that boys and girls are beginning to enter puberty at younger ages.
Some churches and youth groups are beginning to take on the task of helping pre-teens deal with puberty, and are doing a great service to their youth. But parents need to be the most active in helping their children deal with the temptations they will face as they develop.
One thing is certain... if an individual doesn't understand the enemy they are facing... they will never win the battle.
As always, please feel free to comment below.
Mark Joneschiet Music
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
The Raging Beast Within (Part 3)
So, how do you deal with a porn addiction?
Many men have considered Job's confession in Job 31:1 (NIV) - "I have made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl," and said to themselves, "Yeah, right."
Our media inundates us continually with images of barely clad stars and starlets. Summer wear and fashion continue to get more and more revealing. It prompts men to ask the question presented in Psalm 119:9, "How can a young man keep his way pure?" (NIV).
The answer from the same verse is, "By living according to your (God's) word."
This is a good answer, but I'm afraid it needs to be defined in much greater detail for many men, especially these days.
Men, particularly Christian men, who view porn tend to feel isolated and fearful. They feel stigmatized and rejected, even though their activity may be known only to them.
As embarrassing and shameful as they may feel, their secret needs to be brought into the open, not publicly, but in a safe environment, with trusted men who will not betray their confidence.
Along with this, they need to agree to be brutally honest about their activities on the web and other avenues through which they view inappropriate material.
They also need loads and loads of prayer from their confidantes, and prayer for themselves as well.
This is a very tough addiction... every bit as hard as alcohol and drugs in many cases. But it can be won. Consider the testimony of this brave Christian singer, Clay Cross - Click here
What are your thoughts on how Clay became trapped in this delimna... and how he got free?
Please feel free to comment below.
Many men have considered Job's confession in Job 31:1 (NIV) - "I have made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl," and said to themselves, "Yeah, right."
Our media inundates us continually with images of barely clad stars and starlets. Summer wear and fashion continue to get more and more revealing. It prompts men to ask the question presented in Psalm 119:9, "How can a young man keep his way pure?" (NIV).
The answer from the same verse is, "By living according to your (God's) word."
This is a good answer, but I'm afraid it needs to be defined in much greater detail for many men, especially these days.
Men, particularly Christian men, who view porn tend to feel isolated and fearful. They feel stigmatized and rejected, even though their activity may be known only to them.
As embarrassing and shameful as they may feel, their secret needs to be brought into the open, not publicly, but in a safe environment, with trusted men who will not betray their confidence.
Along with this, they need to agree to be brutally honest about their activities on the web and other avenues through which they view inappropriate material.
They also need loads and loads of prayer from their confidantes, and prayer for themselves as well.
This is a very tough addiction... every bit as hard as alcohol and drugs in many cases. But it can be won. Consider the testimony of this brave Christian singer, Clay Cross - Click here
What are your thoughts on how Clay became trapped in this delimna... and how he got free?
Please feel free to comment below.
Monday, May 30, 2011
The Raging Beast Within (Part 2)
I would like to say that pornography isn't a problem in the Church. However, that evidently is not the case.
In one of my pastorates, a parishioner lent me his truck while my car was being worked on. I noticed a hesitancy on his part as I drove off. Something inside told me there was pornography under the seat of the vehicle. I pulled over, reached under the seat - and sure enough... there was a porn magazine lying there.
I scheduled a meeting with the man in my office and we had a long, prayerful talk about the situation.
It appears that viewing pornography is quite pronounced among Christians according to this 2008 Christianity Today article - Click here.
In one of my pastorates, a parishioner lent me his truck while my car was being worked on. I noticed a hesitancy on his part as I drove off. Something inside told me there was pornography under the seat of the vehicle. I pulled over, reached under the seat - and sure enough... there was a porn magazine lying there.
I scheduled a meeting with the man in my office and we had a long, prayerful talk about the situation.
It appears that viewing pornography is quite pronounced among Christians according to this 2008 Christianity Today article - Click here.
What exactly is wrong with viewing porn?
The most glaring fault is that it gives approval to the lewdness and fornication that is being performed by the models, actors and actresses. A person viewing pornography is giving their ascent to what is being carried out before the cameras. It says, "I agree with what is going on in this photo or video."
Second, it lends support to an industry that promotes illicit behavior. People at the top of the this industry are raking in massive amounts of money promoting it and presenting it to the masses.
Third, it creates an unrealistic ideal in one's mind as to how a man's or a woman's body should look - and how it should perform.
Fourth, it replaces a man's natural interest in his wife's physical appearance. Men who view pornography regularly tend to lose interest in their wife's appearance. When they stop viewing it, they become interested again.
Fifth, it generates lust that is not acted out in a loving and appropriate way with one's spouse. The Bible is very clear... sex outside of marriage is either adultery or fornication - even if it is only in the mind.
In the case of my parishioner, he repented and established regular accountability with me in his struggles with porn. Interestingly, his wife, who was quite overweight, lost several pounds and became very trim and attractive.
How do you struggle in this area? What types of safeguards and accountability have you put up in your life in order to keep yourself unstained by pornography? Can you add anything to what is wrong with pornography?
As always, please feel free to comment below.
The most glaring fault is that it gives approval to the lewdness and fornication that is being performed by the models, actors and actresses. A person viewing pornography is giving their ascent to what is being carried out before the cameras. It says, "I agree with what is going on in this photo or video."
Second, it lends support to an industry that promotes illicit behavior. People at the top of the this industry are raking in massive amounts of money promoting it and presenting it to the masses.
Third, it creates an unrealistic ideal in one's mind as to how a man's or a woman's body should look - and how it should perform.
Fourth, it replaces a man's natural interest in his wife's physical appearance. Men who view pornography regularly tend to lose interest in their wife's appearance. When they stop viewing it, they become interested again.
Fifth, it generates lust that is not acted out in a loving and appropriate way with one's spouse. The Bible is very clear... sex outside of marriage is either adultery or fornication - even if it is only in the mind.
In the case of my parishioner, he repented and established regular accountability with me in his struggles with porn. Interestingly, his wife, who was quite overweight, lost several pounds and became very trim and attractive.
How do you struggle in this area? What types of safeguards and accountability have you put up in your life in order to keep yourself unstained by pornography? Can you add anything to what is wrong with pornography?
As always, please feel free to comment below.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
The Raging Beast Within (Part 1)
Guys, this is where we start getting down to some of the nitty-gritty issues of being a man.
I mentioned at the beginning of this blog that there is a book that was popular a few years back that talked about men's issues. I also mentioned that it didn't go deep enough for me. This is where we start going deeper.
I found out a short time back that a man I know lost his wife. It was over online porn. He was addicted to it.
Since the advent of the Internet, this scenario is being played out in greater and greater abundance. It is a problem that is not going away.
This is not being written to condemn any man for getting hooked on this because it can be a powerful addiction. The reason it can be so powerful is because of the way men are wired.
Men are wired in such a way that seeing something seductive or sensual can produce the hormone, testosterone, in their systems. Women are not wired this way and don't understand what a man experiences when testosterone starts surging through their veins and arteries.
Women produce testosterone, but not nearly as much as men. Men produce up to TEN TIMES the amount of testosterone that a woman produces.
God gave this to men in order to keep the race going. Seeing and reacting to beauty and, yes, even sensuality, is what keeps the human race alive and well on planet earth.
Here is the rub... it was intended to create and keep marriages alive and together. But it was never intended for men to use wantonly. It is a way to shake men out of their business-as-usual mode and go, "Wowser!" when they spot a potential mate. It opens the door for them to pursue and attempt to further that relationship.
However, it was never intended for men to revel in wanton lust. Once again, testosterone will kick in when viewing something men deem to be sensual. And if a man is not wary, they will find themselves addicted to a hormone that was originally intended to bring a couple together and continue to stoke that fire throughout their lives.
It was through the original fall of man that this got corrupted - that men would allow themselves to search for and seek out sensuality via inappropriate means.
Jesus' words give us a clear view on why a man should seek to control himself in this area...
"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28 - NIV).
Being visually attracted to a woman is one thing. Reveling in it is another. I heard a wise man once say, "It's not wrong to have your buttons pushed. It's what you do with the signal that matters."
Let's get honest here, guys. In what way or ways do you struggle with visual lust? Are you married or unmarried? How do you deal with the problem of keeping yourself free from being corrupted by visual lust?
As always, I invite your comments below.
I mentioned at the beginning of this blog that there is a book that was popular a few years back that talked about men's issues. I also mentioned that it didn't go deep enough for me. This is where we start going deeper.
I found out a short time back that a man I know lost his wife. It was over online porn. He was addicted to it.
Since the advent of the Internet, this scenario is being played out in greater and greater abundance. It is a problem that is not going away.
This is not being written to condemn any man for getting hooked on this because it can be a powerful addiction. The reason it can be so powerful is because of the way men are wired.
Men are wired in such a way that seeing something seductive or sensual can produce the hormone, testosterone, in their systems. Women are not wired this way and don't understand what a man experiences when testosterone starts surging through their veins and arteries.
Women produce testosterone, but not nearly as much as men. Men produce up to TEN TIMES the amount of testosterone that a woman produces.
God gave this to men in order to keep the race going. Seeing and reacting to beauty and, yes, even sensuality, is what keeps the human race alive and well on planet earth.
Here is the rub... it was intended to create and keep marriages alive and together. But it was never intended for men to use wantonly. It is a way to shake men out of their business-as-usual mode and go, "Wowser!" when they spot a potential mate. It opens the door for them to pursue and attempt to further that relationship.
However, it was never intended for men to revel in wanton lust. Once again, testosterone will kick in when viewing something men deem to be sensual. And if a man is not wary, they will find themselves addicted to a hormone that was originally intended to bring a couple together and continue to stoke that fire throughout their lives.
It was through the original fall of man that this got corrupted - that men would allow themselves to search for and seek out sensuality via inappropriate means.
Jesus' words give us a clear view on why a man should seek to control himself in this area...
"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28 - NIV).
Being visually attracted to a woman is one thing. Reveling in it is another. I heard a wise man once say, "It's not wrong to have your buttons pushed. It's what you do with the signal that matters."
Let's get honest here, guys. In what way or ways do you struggle with visual lust? Are you married or unmarried? How do you deal with the problem of keeping yourself free from being corrupted by visual lust?
As always, I invite your comments below.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Is Pleasure Wrong? (Part 3)
In my earlier post, I talked about how God is against fleshly or carnal pleasure, meaning that pleasure that is focused entirely on the self is wrong. But is all pleasure condemned by God?
First of all, we have to remind ourselves that God invented pleasure. He is the one who created us in a way so that we could experience enjoyments in life. The primary pleasure we should be focused on is pleasure in our relationship with our Creator.
The Westminster Catechism asks this... "What is the chief end of man?" The answer? "Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever." In other words, we are to have pleasure in our relationship with God.
This is one of the first things that went out of kilter when Adam sinned. Our focus came off of God and onto ourselves. We are now self-focused, rather than GOD-focused.
Second, sin corrupted us so that we actually became enamoured with pleasing ourselves. Our motivations and passions tend to be toward what makes us happy for the moment.
Third, we tend to try to find ways to modify pleasure. What I mean is that, we are often only happy with a certain pleasure for a period of time, therefore, we try to find ways to enhance or modify it. We find ways to cause it grow toward the ultimate experience, but somehow, we are never quite able to achieve it.
In all of this, we are never able to achieve lasting pleasure.
So, the question remains, 'Is pleasure wrong'?
The thing we need to keep in focus is that God created our ability to enjoy pleasure. What we need to understand is that we need to have a relationship with God in order to know what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior.
Some behaviors are obviously wrong as displayed in this passage...
"The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God" (Gal. 5:19-21).
Others are not so clear... "But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean" (Romans 14:14 - NIV).
Once again, in order to know and enjoy the pleasures that God has reserved for us with a clear conscience, we need to establish and enjoy a close relationship with Him every day, which is pleasure in itself.
First of all, we have to remind ourselves that God invented pleasure. He is the one who created us in a way so that we could experience enjoyments in life. The primary pleasure we should be focused on is pleasure in our relationship with our Creator.
The Westminster Catechism asks this... "What is the chief end of man?" The answer? "Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever." In other words, we are to have pleasure in our relationship with God.
This is one of the first things that went out of kilter when Adam sinned. Our focus came off of God and onto ourselves. We are now self-focused, rather than GOD-focused.
Second, sin corrupted us so that we actually became enamoured with pleasing ourselves. Our motivations and passions tend to be toward what makes us happy for the moment.
Third, we tend to try to find ways to modify pleasure. What I mean is that, we are often only happy with a certain pleasure for a period of time, therefore, we try to find ways to enhance or modify it. We find ways to cause it grow toward the ultimate experience, but somehow, we are never quite able to achieve it.
In all of this, we are never able to achieve lasting pleasure.
So, the question remains, 'Is pleasure wrong'?
The thing we need to keep in focus is that God created our ability to enjoy pleasure. What we need to understand is that we need to have a relationship with God in order to know what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior.
Some behaviors are obviously wrong as displayed in this passage...
"The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God" (Gal. 5:19-21).
Others are not so clear... "But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean" (Romans 14:14 - NIV).
Once again, in order to know and enjoy the pleasures that God has reserved for us with a clear conscience, we need to establish and enjoy a close relationship with Him every day, which is pleasure in itself.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Is Pleasure Wrong? (Part 2)
One of the words the Bible uses for the word, pleasure, is carnality. The word 'carnality' is translated from a word in the original New Testament language (Greek), which is, sarx. The word is literally translated as, the flesh.
An example of how God views the flesh is found in this passage...
"Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God" (Romans 8:1 - 7 - NIV).
This passage is not referring to our physical flesh. That would be the word, soma, or, body.
Sarx has more to do with unbridled desire and wanton passion. The 1960's had a term that described sarx very well... "If it feels good, do it."
The hard part about understanding this is, not all things that can fall under the heading of carnality are intrinsically wrong. For instance, sex inside of marriage is right, but outside of marriage, it's wrong. Eating is necessary. Overeating is not only wrong, but harmful to the body.
There are several problems with giving into the carnal or fleshly nature...
First, the more you feed it, the greedier it gets. In other words, feeding the fleshly nature with what it wants only tends to make it want more. So, if you think, "Well, I'll just appease it this time and then it'll go away," you are badly mistaken. Appeasing it only makes it want more.
Second, there is something called the law of diminishing returns. Once you start feeding a carnal passion or desire, it not only wants more, it starts saying, "This is not enough. I am bored with what you are feeding me. I want something with more taste... something with more feeling... something far more provocative!" It starts getting bored with the same old thing. It wants to go deeper into the realm of experience.
Third, it tends to divert attention away from worthwhile pursuits.
Fourth, it often damages relationships and causes hurt and pain due to the focus it gives to the self. Carnality is all about me, me me and not about others.
Finally, in the end, it leaves you unsatisfied and strips you of your real feeling. Individuals often go deeper into carnal delights, trying to enjoy the original rush of pleasure that they first experienced, only to find that it is no longer achievable.
What are some ways in which you have experienced this in your own life? Have there been any 'deadening' of passions due to pleasure seeking? Have you ever experienced a broken or hurt relationship due to focusing on carnality? What type of pleasures do you feel are appropriate as a Christian?
As always, please feel free to leave a comment.
An example of how God views the flesh is found in this passage...
"Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God" (Romans 8:1 - 7 - NIV).
This passage is not referring to our physical flesh. That would be the word, soma, or, body.
Sarx has more to do with unbridled desire and wanton passion. The 1960's had a term that described sarx very well... "If it feels good, do it."
The hard part about understanding this is, not all things that can fall under the heading of carnality are intrinsically wrong. For instance, sex inside of marriage is right, but outside of marriage, it's wrong. Eating is necessary. Overeating is not only wrong, but harmful to the body.
There are several problems with giving into the carnal or fleshly nature...
First, the more you feed it, the greedier it gets. In other words, feeding the fleshly nature with what it wants only tends to make it want more. So, if you think, "Well, I'll just appease it this time and then it'll go away," you are badly mistaken. Appeasing it only makes it want more.
Second, there is something called the law of diminishing returns. Once you start feeding a carnal passion or desire, it not only wants more, it starts saying, "This is not enough. I am bored with what you are feeding me. I want something with more taste... something with more feeling... something far more provocative!" It starts getting bored with the same old thing. It wants to go deeper into the realm of experience.
Third, it tends to divert attention away from worthwhile pursuits.
Fourth, it often damages relationships and causes hurt and pain due to the focus it gives to the self. Carnality is all about me, me me and not about others.
Finally, in the end, it leaves you unsatisfied and strips you of your real feeling. Individuals often go deeper into carnal delights, trying to enjoy the original rush of pleasure that they first experienced, only to find that it is no longer achievable.
What are some ways in which you have experienced this in your own life? Have there been any 'deadening' of passions due to pleasure seeking? Have you ever experienced a broken or hurt relationship due to focusing on carnality? What type of pleasures do you feel are appropriate as a Christian?
As always, please feel free to leave a comment.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Is Pleasure Wrong?
Guys, what drives you? What causes you to climb out of bed and face the world in the morning?
What I am talking about is your motivation.
We are all motivated by something. Something turns our crank and causes us to desire some type of activity, achievement, purpose or progress in life. What is it for you?
One of the motivations the Bible speaks of as inappropriate is the pursuit of pleasure...
"What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures" (James 4:1-3).
That's a hard-hitting passage, but one worthy of attention.
Modern research tells us that the pursuit of pleasure is what drives most people's decisions these days. There is actually a pleasure-inducing chemical in the brain called 'dopamine' that 'rewards' us with pleasurable feelings for choosing certain stimuli such as, where to go on a vacation, what foods to eat - even the intake of alcohol or narcotics.
How do you feel about that? Is it wrong to feel pleasure?
God is not against pleasure. However, He is against selfish or harmful pleasure.
In the verses cited above, the word for pleasure, in the original language of the New Testament, is hedone (HEE-do-nay), the word we get our word, hedonism from.
Hedonism was actually an ancient philosophy that argued that the only intrinsic worth in life is the pursuit of pleasure. If an activity did not produce pleasure, it was not worthy of a Hedonist's time or energy.
While our culture may not engage in the actual philosophy of Hedonism, it is certainly very Hedonistic. Drug and alcohol addiction is rampant - pornography and sex addiction as well. Overeating and food addictions are also prevalent.
Is this a cultural problem, or are people just acting out of what the Bible calls, our fallen nature?
I believe the overall tendency of fallen man is to be Hedonistic - to act out of what makes us feel good, whether that behavior is public or private.
Some men seem to have it all together on the outside, but in their private thoughts and activities, they are pleasure-oriented.
What are your thoughts on this? How do you see yourself with regard to how much you are driven by pleasure in your life?
As always, I welcome your thoughts below.
What I am talking about is your motivation.
We are all motivated by something. Something turns our crank and causes us to desire some type of activity, achievement, purpose or progress in life. What is it for you?
One of the motivations the Bible speaks of as inappropriate is the pursuit of pleasure...
"What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures" (James 4:1-3).
That's a hard-hitting passage, but one worthy of attention.
Modern research tells us that the pursuit of pleasure is what drives most people's decisions these days. There is actually a pleasure-inducing chemical in the brain called 'dopamine' that 'rewards' us with pleasurable feelings for choosing certain stimuli such as, where to go on a vacation, what foods to eat - even the intake of alcohol or narcotics.
How do you feel about that? Is it wrong to feel pleasure?
God is not against pleasure. However, He is against selfish or harmful pleasure.
In the verses cited above, the word for pleasure, in the original language of the New Testament, is hedone (HEE-do-nay), the word we get our word, hedonism from.
Hedonism was actually an ancient philosophy that argued that the only intrinsic worth in life is the pursuit of pleasure. If an activity did not produce pleasure, it was not worthy of a Hedonist's time or energy.
While our culture may not engage in the actual philosophy of Hedonism, it is certainly very Hedonistic. Drug and alcohol addiction is rampant - pornography and sex addiction as well. Overeating and food addictions are also prevalent.
Is this a cultural problem, or are people just acting out of what the Bible calls, our fallen nature?
I believe the overall tendency of fallen man is to be Hedonistic - to act out of what makes us feel good, whether that behavior is public or private.
Some men seem to have it all together on the outside, but in their private thoughts and activities, they are pleasure-oriented.
What are your thoughts on this? How do you see yourself with regard to how much you are driven by pleasure in your life?
As always, I welcome your thoughts below.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Glory Days
I was athletic in my youth, but I wasn't really an athlete. I wasn't really that competitive or aggressive, so I had a hard time developing that 'winning' attitude.
But one day, it was different.
It was in eighth grade. And us guys were all lined up in two rows for wind sprints. The idea was that two guys would race each other down to the P.E. teacher and then, another two would race, and so on.
It came to be my turn. The guy opposite me was one of the fastest guys in the school. I won't mention any names, but his initials were K.B.
At first, K.B. was ahead of me. But I poured on the steam and caught up with him. He was surprised and poured it on as well. I caught up with him again. There we were, running neck and neck all the way down the field... both of us giving it everything we had, determined to beat the other one. Try as I might, I could not quite jet ahead of K.B., but then, he couldn't get the edge on me either.
We came in at a dead tie, heaving our lungs out.
I still remember that incident like it was yesterday.
A guy walked up to me afterwards...
"You stayed right with K.B.!" he marveled.
"Aw, he was just being nice," I replied.
"Are you kidding?" he shot back at me. "He was in front of his friends and there wasn't any way he was going to be 'nice' in front of them."
That made me feel real good. So good, in fact, I still remember every detail of the experience 41 years later!
It kind of reminds me of the Bruce Springsteen song, "Glory Days," talking about the people he knew who were stuck in the past, reliving their high school victories over and over.
That really is how many of us guys are... remembering the 'good old days.' Reliving the former days ad nauseum.
Why do we do that? Do we feel that our best days are behind? Are we threatened by the future? Are we unhappy? What is really going on inside of us when we do this?
A Bible verse that shocks me back to reality when I dwell too much on silly memories like this is Isaiah 43:18 and 19.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!”
This is God speaking.
Is it wrong to remember the past fondly? No, not really. As long as it does not cloud what's happening in the present, or where we're headed in our future.
For most of us, our best days are not behind us. They are in front of us - with God's guidance and help.
What are some goals or plans that the Lord would have you build into your understanding today?
As always, I welcome your comments.
But one day, it was different.
It was in eighth grade. And us guys were all lined up in two rows for wind sprints. The idea was that two guys would race each other down to the P.E. teacher and then, another two would race, and so on.
It came to be my turn. The guy opposite me was one of the fastest guys in the school. I won't mention any names, but his initials were K.B.
At first, K.B. was ahead of me. But I poured on the steam and caught up with him. He was surprised and poured it on as well. I caught up with him again. There we were, running neck and neck all the way down the field... both of us giving it everything we had, determined to beat the other one. Try as I might, I could not quite jet ahead of K.B., but then, he couldn't get the edge on me either.
We came in at a dead tie, heaving our lungs out.
I still remember that incident like it was yesterday.
A guy walked up to me afterwards...
"You stayed right with K.B.!" he marveled.
"Aw, he was just being nice," I replied.
"Are you kidding?" he shot back at me. "He was in front of his friends and there wasn't any way he was going to be 'nice' in front of them."
That made me feel real good. So good, in fact, I still remember every detail of the experience 41 years later!
It kind of reminds me of the Bruce Springsteen song, "Glory Days," talking about the people he knew who were stuck in the past, reliving their high school victories over and over.
That really is how many of us guys are... remembering the 'good old days.' Reliving the former days ad nauseum.
Why do we do that? Do we feel that our best days are behind? Are we threatened by the future? Are we unhappy? What is really going on inside of us when we do this?
A Bible verse that shocks me back to reality when I dwell too much on silly memories like this is Isaiah 43:18 and 19.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!”
This is God speaking.
Is it wrong to remember the past fondly? No, not really. As long as it does not cloud what's happening in the present, or where we're headed in our future.
For most of us, our best days are not behind us. They are in front of us - with God's guidance and help.
What are some goals or plans that the Lord would have you build into your understanding today?
As always, I welcome your comments.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Weeping in Westminster
I was sobbing like a school girl.
Rewind approximately 30 minutes.
"Well, we're right here. We might as well start with Westminster Abbey," my family said. I could see the Westminster Chimes towering above us only a short distance away.
"Westminster Abbey?" I thought to myself. "Why do we want to spend the next few hours walking around some old church when the Westminster Chimes and all of London is waiting for us?"
Knowing I was outvoted, I grudgingly paid for the tickets to trudge around a church for the next few hours.
"Tickets... to go into a church?" I muttered to myself. "And you can't even take pictures in it!"
As I stepped through the door, I was seized by the same awesome wonderment that Lucy must have felt when she walked into the wardrobe and found herself in the Land of Narnia.
The first thing I noticed were beautiful marble statues all around me and an austerity I have never sensed in my entire life. All around were tombs and crypts of some of the most famous people in history - Henry the Eighth - Catherine the Great - David Livingston - William Wilberforce...
Quiet, somber reflection was evident among the people who had entered the Abbey with me.
Stepping into a large chamber, I glanced up and was awestruck as I noticed the tomb of George Fredrick Handel, with the words, "For I know that my Redeemer liveth," from Job 19:25 adorning it.
I had just completed writing a number of Christian songs earlier in the year, and in that moment, was suddenly in the presence of the remains of the man who wrote the Queen Mother of all worship tunes... "The Hallelujah Chorus."
I cry, maybe, once every two years. And I'm usually alone when I do it.
But this day, the tears began to flow. I couldn't stop them. It was embarrassing. I tried to hide my sobbing, wiping the tears with my hands. But they just kept flowing. And then my family noticed them.
"Dad, there's a little chapel back there where you can go and pray," my oldest daughter said.
"Thank you!" I whispered as I ran for the door, blubbering like a fool. Fortunately, the little chapel was empty. I closed the door and sat down, praying and thanking God for allowing me to be on this trip and to be able to give homage to such a great composer. I sat for at least 20 minutes, pouring out a plethora of pent-up emotion. It was an experience that etched God's love and care deep into my soul.
I later learned that Handel, who had cloistered himself in his room during the writing of "The Messiah", was sobbing just like I had been after he finished the "Hallelujah Chorus." A concerned friend had forced his way into his chamber, only to hear him say, "I do believe I have seen all of heaven before me... and the great God Himself."
I said all that to say this - why is it embarrassing for men to cry? Why do we keep our emotions buried so deep within our souls?
Yes, there are men who can cry freely, but they are the exception. Not the rule.
The shortest, and probably most poignant verse in the Bible is composed of two simple words... "Jesus wept." (John 11:35).
One of the most powerful but subtle scenes in the movie, "The Passion of the Christ," is when Christ dies on the cross... and the scene shifts to directly above the cross. Rain drops are falling. And suddenly, the camera starts to blur... and a drop forms and falls directly onto the cross. I pondered this while watching it, and realized that we were suddenly looking from God's perspective at what had just happened - and a tear formed in his eye and was shed.
So, do you cry? And what makes you cry? Is it easy for you to express your emotions? If not, why?
Please feel free to leave a comment below.
Rewind approximately 30 minutes.
"Well, we're right here. We might as well start with Westminster Abbey," my family said. I could see the Westminster Chimes towering above us only a short distance away.
"Westminster Abbey?" I thought to myself. "Why do we want to spend the next few hours walking around some old church when the Westminster Chimes and all of London is waiting for us?"
Knowing I was outvoted, I grudgingly paid for the tickets to trudge around a church for the next few hours.
"Tickets... to go into a church?" I muttered to myself. "And you can't even take pictures in it!"
As I stepped through the door, I was seized by the same awesome wonderment that Lucy must have felt when she walked into the wardrobe and found herself in the Land of Narnia.
The first thing I noticed were beautiful marble statues all around me and an austerity I have never sensed in my entire life. All around were tombs and crypts of some of the most famous people in history - Henry the Eighth - Catherine the Great - David Livingston - William Wilberforce...
Quiet, somber reflection was evident among the people who had entered the Abbey with me.
Stepping into a large chamber, I glanced up and was awestruck as I noticed the tomb of George Fredrick Handel, with the words, "For I know that my Redeemer liveth," from Job 19:25 adorning it.
I had just completed writing a number of Christian songs earlier in the year, and in that moment, was suddenly in the presence of the remains of the man who wrote the Queen Mother of all worship tunes... "The Hallelujah Chorus."
I cry, maybe, once every two years. And I'm usually alone when I do it.
But this day, the tears began to flow. I couldn't stop them. It was embarrassing. I tried to hide my sobbing, wiping the tears with my hands. But they just kept flowing. And then my family noticed them.
"Dad, there's a little chapel back there where you can go and pray," my oldest daughter said.
"Thank you!" I whispered as I ran for the door, blubbering like a fool. Fortunately, the little chapel was empty. I closed the door and sat down, praying and thanking God for allowing me to be on this trip and to be able to give homage to such a great composer. I sat for at least 20 minutes, pouring out a plethora of pent-up emotion. It was an experience that etched God's love and care deep into my soul.
I later learned that Handel, who had cloistered himself in his room during the writing of "The Messiah", was sobbing just like I had been after he finished the "Hallelujah Chorus." A concerned friend had forced his way into his chamber, only to hear him say, "I do believe I have seen all of heaven before me... and the great God Himself."
I said all that to say this - why is it embarrassing for men to cry? Why do we keep our emotions buried so deep within our souls?
Yes, there are men who can cry freely, but they are the exception. Not the rule.
The shortest, and probably most poignant verse in the Bible is composed of two simple words... "Jesus wept." (John 11:35).
One of the most powerful but subtle scenes in the movie, "The Passion of the Christ," is when Christ dies on the cross... and the scene shifts to directly above the cross. Rain drops are falling. And suddenly, the camera starts to blur... and a drop forms and falls directly onto the cross. I pondered this while watching it, and realized that we were suddenly looking from God's perspective at what had just happened - and a tear formed in his eye and was shed.
So, do you cry? And what makes you cry? Is it easy for you to express your emotions? If not, why?
Please feel free to leave a comment below.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Pugilistic Power in Prayer
"Bam!" "Pow!" "Kazowie!" Those were the words I saw on the t.v. screen whenever Batman and Robin would get into a scuffle with the Joker, the Riddler, the Penguin, and each of their henchmen... twice a week... "same Bat-time, same Bat-channel."
I loved superheroes when I was a kid! I watched "The Green Hornet" and even a really corny show called, "Captain Nice." If they had a mask or a cape, I was right there!
(By the way... the word on the street is that there is a president of a major Christian humanitarian organization who loves comic books - but we'll keep his name on the Q.T. for now.)
During this time (5th grade), we had a game we played on the field during recess. It consisted of dividing up into 2 teams clashing on the field and wrestling all over the ground with our opponents. Basically, it was a free-for-all wrestling match. WWF on the playground!
We would come in from recess with our shirts all grass-stained and sweaty and our hair completely disheveled. But we were happy as clams because we'd gotten all that adrenalin out of our systems and had done what boys our age liked to do.
Every once in awhile, there would be an after school fight (I was in way too many of these) where a couple guys would actually resort to fisticuffs - just like on the superhero shows we all loved to watch.
If there are any ladies reading this, you really ought to try it sometime, because us guys would be having problems with each other... but once we finished the fight, we'd walk away friends. It's so much easier than having all those angst-ridden relationships that you have among yourselves.
But, back to the subject at hand. Guys, you were born that way! And I don't care if you were a bookworm growing up... you were probably reading stories about wars and battles and conquering heroes.
Men, we were made to war. In fact, the Bible says that GOD is a warrior (Exodus 15:3)! And since we're created in His image, we're warriors too!
The only problem is, it wouldn't be apropos for grown men to be running around on a field wrestling with one another. (Actually, that sounds kind of fun, now that I think about it!)
So, how do YOU fulfill your destiny as a warrior?
Do you go and hang out downtown dressed in a costume, like Seattle's Phoenix Jones?
This is the way I have found that we are to walk out the warrior spirit God has placed in every one of us...
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12 - ESV).
Spiritually, every day, men... before we head out the door, we need to do what Paul recommends in Ephesians, chapter 6 -
"Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people" (Ephesians 6:14-18 - NIV).
So, go have some fun right now... get down on your knees... and totally mess up the Devil's battle plans against your life and the lives of those around you. "POW!" "BAM!" "ZOK!"
Feel free to add a comment to this post.
I loved superheroes when I was a kid! I watched "The Green Hornet" and even a really corny show called, "Captain Nice." If they had a mask or a cape, I was right there!
(By the way... the word on the street is that there is a president of a major Christian humanitarian organization who loves comic books - but we'll keep his name on the Q.T. for now.)
During this time (5th grade), we had a game we played on the field during recess. It consisted of dividing up into 2 teams clashing on the field and wrestling all over the ground with our opponents. Basically, it was a free-for-all wrestling match. WWF on the playground!
We would come in from recess with our shirts all grass-stained and sweaty and our hair completely disheveled. But we were happy as clams because we'd gotten all that adrenalin out of our systems and had done what boys our age liked to do.
Every once in awhile, there would be an after school fight (I was in way too many of these) where a couple guys would actually resort to fisticuffs - just like on the superhero shows we all loved to watch.
If there are any ladies reading this, you really ought to try it sometime, because us guys would be having problems with each other... but once we finished the fight, we'd walk away friends. It's so much easier than having all those angst-ridden relationships that you have among yourselves.
But, back to the subject at hand. Guys, you were born that way! And I don't care if you were a bookworm growing up... you were probably reading stories about wars and battles and conquering heroes.
Men, we were made to war. In fact, the Bible says that GOD is a warrior (Exodus 15:3)! And since we're created in His image, we're warriors too!
The only problem is, it wouldn't be apropos for grown men to be running around on a field wrestling with one another. (Actually, that sounds kind of fun, now that I think about it!)
So, how do YOU fulfill your destiny as a warrior?
Do you go and hang out downtown dressed in a costume, like Seattle's Phoenix Jones?
This is the way I have found that we are to walk out the warrior spirit God has placed in every one of us...
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12 - ESV).
Spiritually, every day, men... before we head out the door, we need to do what Paul recommends in Ephesians, chapter 6 -
"Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people" (Ephesians 6:14-18 - NIV).
So, go have some fun right now... get down on your knees... and totally mess up the Devil's battle plans against your life and the lives of those around you. "POW!" "BAM!" "ZOK!"
Feel free to add a comment to this post.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Oh, My Papa - Part 5
So, if you're a Christian, how close are you to God?
From the little I've studied about Freud, he believed we develop our impression of God from our fathers. To some degree, I believe this. I think there's some credence to the idea that male figures in our lives make an impression on us about who God is.
Was your father strong, loving and wise? If what I said above is true, you are very fortunate. Was he wimpy and whiny? Or was he domineering and overbearing? Abusive? Withdrawing? Fearful? Namby-pamby? So-so? Jealous? Funny? Ridiculous? Brawny? Jovial? Brash? Devil-may-care? Brave? Silly? Angry? Gentle? Creative? Artistic? Handy? Practical? Quiet? Loud?
Whatever impression we have of our earthly dads, we need to be careful not to limit our understanding of God to either their strengths or weaknesses.
As much as we might admire our earthly fathers, God is greater still! As much as we might fear or loathe their behavior, God is perfect and not given to earthly faults or flaws.
Some men are fearful of God. Others are unimpressed. Still others are in awe.
How many of you know that there are feminine images of God in the Bible as well? The Bible describes God as 'laboring in childbirth,' and 'brooding as a mother hen over her chicks.' How do you feel about that? Is it awkward or does it comfort you to know that God describes Himself with those qualities?
What are your thoughts about God? I'd love to hear what you have to say... even from the ladies who visit here.
Please feel free to share your thoughts below.
From the little I've studied about Freud, he believed we develop our impression of God from our fathers. To some degree, I believe this. I think there's some credence to the idea that male figures in our lives make an impression on us about who God is.
Was your father strong, loving and wise? If what I said above is true, you are very fortunate. Was he wimpy and whiny? Or was he domineering and overbearing? Abusive? Withdrawing? Fearful? Namby-pamby? So-so? Jealous? Funny? Ridiculous? Brawny? Jovial? Brash? Devil-may-care? Brave? Silly? Angry? Gentle? Creative? Artistic? Handy? Practical? Quiet? Loud?
Whatever impression we have of our earthly dads, we need to be careful not to limit our understanding of God to either their strengths or weaknesses.
As much as we might admire our earthly fathers, God is greater still! As much as we might fear or loathe their behavior, God is perfect and not given to earthly faults or flaws.
Some men are fearful of God. Others are unimpressed. Still others are in awe.
How many of you know that there are feminine images of God in the Bible as well? The Bible describes God as 'laboring in childbirth,' and 'brooding as a mother hen over her chicks.' How do you feel about that? Is it awkward or does it comfort you to know that God describes Himself with those qualities?
What are your thoughts about God? I'd love to hear what you have to say... even from the ladies who visit here.
Please feel free to share your thoughts below.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Oh, My Papa - Part 4
"You're JUST like your father!" How many of you guys have ever heard that proclaimed over you?
It's not always a bad thing. Some guys would love to be just like their fathers. I'm afraid however, that this decree is usually offered as a pejorative.
What I'm concerned with today is sinful traits of fathers. Many men believe in what some call 'generational sin' - the idea that if a father is involved in some kind of sinful practice or addiction, their son (or daughter) will probably practice that same sin.
The passage that most will cite to prove this is Exodus 20:5 - "For I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the sons to the third and fourth generation of those that hate me, and showing mercy to thousands of those that love Me and keep My commandments."
The first thing I want to mention is that all of this is couched in the Old Testament. Since Jesus, the entire play book has changed.
But just to cut to the chase here, what this verse is really saying is exactly what it DOES say... that if a father sins, God will punish the children for their sins three and four generations down the line. It doesn't say the children will inherit their father's sinful tendencies. It says they will be punished for what their fathers did that was wrong in the sight of God.
So, it's a warning to fathers to think about what they do, because their children, their children and even their children's children could be punished for their sinful behavior.
That's a sobering thought.
But here's the good news! God rescinded that decree later in the book of Ezekiel - "The son will not bear the punishment for the father’s iniquity, nor will the father bear the punishment for the son’s iniquity; the righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself" (Ezekiel 18:20).
So, where does that leave us with the idea that if your father sins, you'll probably be the same way? Well, we all have tendencies to be like our parents in certain ways. Like, a sibling will say, "You said that just like Dad," or, "Dad used to get that same expression on his face."
And it's true that certain tendencies can be genetic and a person will need to be careful about certain behaviors. But overall, there is nothing in scripture that says, if your dad sinned a certain way, you will too!
"Well, Dad had an affair, so I guess that explains why I had one too." "Dad was a drunk, so I guess that explains why I am too."
On and on the excuses go. But bottom line, our behavior is our own. And each of us will have to answer for it as individuals.
Today, my prayer is that everyone reading this will realize that they don't have to follow any of the poor behavior their father may have engaged in. Each of us has the power through God's grace to resist any weakness we may have in our character.
"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it" (I Corinthians 10:13 - NIV).
Please feel free to leave a comment below.
It's not always a bad thing. Some guys would love to be just like their fathers. I'm afraid however, that this decree is usually offered as a pejorative.
What I'm concerned with today is sinful traits of fathers. Many men believe in what some call 'generational sin' - the idea that if a father is involved in some kind of sinful practice or addiction, their son (or daughter) will probably practice that same sin.
The passage that most will cite to prove this is Exodus 20:5 - "For I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the sons to the third and fourth generation of those that hate me, and showing mercy to thousands of those that love Me and keep My commandments."
The first thing I want to mention is that all of this is couched in the Old Testament. Since Jesus, the entire play book has changed.
But just to cut to the chase here, what this verse is really saying is exactly what it DOES say... that if a father sins, God will punish the children for their sins three and four generations down the line. It doesn't say the children will inherit their father's sinful tendencies. It says they will be punished for what their fathers did that was wrong in the sight of God.
So, it's a warning to fathers to think about what they do, because their children, their children and even their children's children could be punished for their sinful behavior.
That's a sobering thought.
But here's the good news! God rescinded that decree later in the book of Ezekiel - "The son will not bear the punishment for the father’s iniquity, nor will the father bear the punishment for the son’s iniquity; the righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself" (Ezekiel 18:20).
So, where does that leave us with the idea that if your father sins, you'll probably be the same way? Well, we all have tendencies to be like our parents in certain ways. Like, a sibling will say, "You said that just like Dad," or, "Dad used to get that same expression on his face."
And it's true that certain tendencies can be genetic and a person will need to be careful about certain behaviors. But overall, there is nothing in scripture that says, if your dad sinned a certain way, you will too!
"Well, Dad had an affair, so I guess that explains why I had one too." "Dad was a drunk, so I guess that explains why I am too."
On and on the excuses go. But bottom line, our behavior is our own. And each of us will have to answer for it as individuals.
Today, my prayer is that everyone reading this will realize that they don't have to follow any of the poor behavior their father may have engaged in. Each of us has the power through God's grace to resist any weakness we may have in our character.
"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it" (I Corinthians 10:13 - NIV).
Please feel free to leave a comment below.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Oh, My Papa - Part 3
One of the most piercing moments in cinema history came when Luke Skywalker heard these words... "Luke, I am your father."
Fortunately, most of us have never had to deal with a realization of this magnitude - suddenly discovering that your father is one of the most cunning and ruthless individuals in the galaxy! The amazing thing is, Luke decided to love his sinister dad and the outcome was the salvation of the known universe.
Hopefully, your father was a saint - and a knight in shining armor. If not, these words may help you.
As I said before, I loved my dad - and in many ways, he was a knight. But I was cautious around him due to the issues I've previously mentioned.
During the Eighties, I went through the whole 'adult child grieving your losses' thing, which I seem to be making light of here, but in actuality, found some help in that process. The main thing I was dealing with is that I felt stuck in my life and didn't really feel 'grown up' even though I was in my late thirties.
One of the things that caused me to feel stuck was that I felt like I had to be pleased with my dad regardless of any of the hurt I felt.
Many people feel it's wrong to label their father's behavior as wrong or abusive. And they get stuck in their pain. This verse may be the source of why many feel they should respect their father, regardless:
"Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!" (Hebrews 12:9).
The key to understanding this passage is, we should respect our fathers when they practice true discipline. However, I don't think we're held accountable to respect them for things like ridicule or abuse. Discipline and abuse are two completely different behaviors.
What we as men need to realize is that we need to grieve the losses that we experienced with our fathers, but cherish the memories of the good times. Mostly what I have now are good memories - through forgiveness.
Good things I remember with my father are these... camping at Lofton Reservoir and catching lots of Rainbows - seeing movies like "A Fistful of Dollars" with him on a Sunday afternoon - climbing Stukel Mountain in search of the wily Mule Deer - lunches at the mill we worked at together when I had a summer job there - shooting pool together at the bowling alley - ice fishing at Lake of the Woods - ice skating at the pond at the end of Bristol Avenue - exploring dry creek beds near his old home place in South Dakota - Shooting Geese and Pheasants at State Line Road.
Don't lie to yourself about the bad times. Learn how to grieve and mourn them. In other words, get them out of your system. Forgive and be forgiven (please know... this may be a process). And most of all, cherish the good memories... and don't let anything take them away from you.
Please feel free to leave a comment below.
Fortunately, most of us have never had to deal with a realization of this magnitude - suddenly discovering that your father is one of the most cunning and ruthless individuals in the galaxy! The amazing thing is, Luke decided to love his sinister dad and the outcome was the salvation of the known universe.
Hopefully, your father was a saint - and a knight in shining armor. If not, these words may help you.
As I said before, I loved my dad - and in many ways, he was a knight. But I was cautious around him due to the issues I've previously mentioned.
During the Eighties, I went through the whole 'adult child grieving your losses' thing, which I seem to be making light of here, but in actuality, found some help in that process. The main thing I was dealing with is that I felt stuck in my life and didn't really feel 'grown up' even though I was in my late thirties.
One of the things that caused me to feel stuck was that I felt like I had to be pleased with my dad regardless of any of the hurt I felt.
Many people feel it's wrong to label their father's behavior as wrong or abusive. And they get stuck in their pain. This verse may be the source of why many feel they should respect their father, regardless:
"Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!" (Hebrews 12:9).
The key to understanding this passage is, we should respect our fathers when they practice true discipline. However, I don't think we're held accountable to respect them for things like ridicule or abuse. Discipline and abuse are two completely different behaviors.
What we as men need to realize is that we need to grieve the losses that we experienced with our fathers, but cherish the memories of the good times. Mostly what I have now are good memories - through forgiveness.
Good things I remember with my father are these... camping at Lofton Reservoir and catching lots of Rainbows - seeing movies like "A Fistful of Dollars" with him on a Sunday afternoon - climbing Stukel Mountain in search of the wily Mule Deer - lunches at the mill we worked at together when I had a summer job there - shooting pool together at the bowling alley - ice fishing at Lake of the Woods - ice skating at the pond at the end of Bristol Avenue - exploring dry creek beds near his old home place in South Dakota - Shooting Geese and Pheasants at State Line Road.
Don't lie to yourself about the bad times. Learn how to grieve and mourn them. In other words, get them out of your system. Forgive and be forgiven (please know... this may be a process). And most of all, cherish the good memories... and don't let anything take them away from you.
Please feel free to leave a comment below.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Oh, My Papa - Part 2
Previously, I talked about how I was able to forgive my father when I learned he'd had Alzheimer's for a number of years. This accounted for many of the clashes we'd had over time.
What I haven't discussed is that the problems in our relationship were not a one-way street... all his fault, in other words.
I could be pretty insolent. And I don't think I need to go into detail on any of that. Just chalk it up that I needed to be forgiven by HIM on many occasions as well.
What I want to emphasize in this post is that, learning of my father's Alzheimer's made it easy for me to forgive him fully. I suddenly realized how scared he must have been at times, not understanding what was happening to his mind and emotions as this disease slowly advanced.
But that did not take me off the hook in forgiving him regularly WITHOUT that knowlege. And I DID practice forgiveness toward him. But perhaps, not as often or as fully I should have.
I believe the primary thing that needs to happen in fathers turning their hearts toward their children and children turning their hearts toward their fathers (as stated in Malachi 4:6 and mentioned in my previous post), is LOADS of forgiveness and understanding. Living in a family is not easy. It takes ENORMOUS amounts of grace to get along.
A significant passage regarding this is Ephesians 6:1 - 4. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother', for this is the first commandment with promise - so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (NIV)
It's understandable that scripture would admonish children to obey their parents, but it's the second part that frightens me... the idea that fathers would provoke their children to anger. Another translation says, "Fathers, don't make your children bitter about life..." (God's Word Translation).
In these days of widespread substance abuse, I'm hearing horrific stories of men who, with deliberation, strip their children of any sense of self-worth they might have. Ridicule, anger, accusation, belittlement, lies. Many children are growing up with little self-confidence and support.
If this is the environment you grew up in, or an environment you're fostering, there is healing. It may be a process, but there is hope. Jesus told us in Luke 1:37, "...with God, nothing shall be impossible." (KJV)
Feel free to comment below.
What I haven't discussed is that the problems in our relationship were not a one-way street... all his fault, in other words.
I could be pretty insolent. And I don't think I need to go into detail on any of that. Just chalk it up that I needed to be forgiven by HIM on many occasions as well.
What I want to emphasize in this post is that, learning of my father's Alzheimer's made it easy for me to forgive him fully. I suddenly realized how scared he must have been at times, not understanding what was happening to his mind and emotions as this disease slowly advanced.
But that did not take me off the hook in forgiving him regularly WITHOUT that knowlege. And I DID practice forgiveness toward him. But perhaps, not as often or as fully I should have.
I believe the primary thing that needs to happen in fathers turning their hearts toward their children and children turning their hearts toward their fathers (as stated in Malachi 4:6 and mentioned in my previous post), is LOADS of forgiveness and understanding. Living in a family is not easy. It takes ENORMOUS amounts of grace to get along.
A significant passage regarding this is Ephesians 6:1 - 4. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother', for this is the first commandment with promise - so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (NIV)
It's understandable that scripture would admonish children to obey their parents, but it's the second part that frightens me... the idea that fathers would provoke their children to anger. Another translation says, "Fathers, don't make your children bitter about life..." (God's Word Translation).
In these days of widespread substance abuse, I'm hearing horrific stories of men who, with deliberation, strip their children of any sense of self-worth they might have. Ridicule, anger, accusation, belittlement, lies. Many children are growing up with little self-confidence and support.
If this is the environment you grew up in, or an environment you're fostering, there is healing. It may be a process, but there is hope. Jesus told us in Luke 1:37, "...with God, nothing shall be impossible." (KJV)
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